So this one is a little confusing, and if anything I’m just trying to understand what perspective she could have that would make this make sense. The reason I bring up such a minor relationship issue is that during our breakup she cited this is not one of the reasons for breaking up, this was \*the\* reason for breaking up. For context on her, she has OCD and grew up in a very strict religious household where having everything perfect was a necessity, which included her mother randomly visiting to criticize the cleanliness of her car and apartment.
A few months ago, while trying to pull out of the parking lot to my \[M25\] apartment, she \[F23\] accidentally hit the throttle instead of the brakes and hit another car. Luckily, only her car was damaged, leading to a large dent on her rear bumper. I had previously worked jobs tangential to auto work (landscaping, airport ground crew, etc.) so I knew that the nature of the dent and where it was placed was an easy fix with a dent plunger and some boiling water. When I initially offered the fix for free, she said yes and seemed to have no problems. About a few weeks later once I had bought the plunger and was ready to do the repair, she became deeply opposed.
She said there was a huge crack down the bumper, and that the fix wouldn’t do anything about it. When I suggested it would at least fix the dent, she wouldn’t drop the crack issue. When I suggested finding her color code and searching for the make and model at a junkyard to buy an undamaged bumper, she was uncomfortable with going through used parts. Later on, she said her friends thought I was acting irrationally on insisting on a DIY solution.
Later, right before the breakup, her parents had paid for the repair at an auto body for $2,100. Mind you, this was with no frame or structural damage, it was a purely aesthetic defect. This was something I had cautioned her against since I knew used rear bumpers only ran a few hundred, but it seemed a professional job was a necessity for her.
On my end, I will say I was pretty insistent on her own property. It was never brought to a level of abuse or aggression, but I did make it clear I thought spending $2,100 for a relatively affordable fix was a very bad decision. She brought up how her parents bought the car in full for her because they "trusting her enough to take care of it" and I think the DIY fix appeared lower class to her. Would be happy to provide any more details if you think there’s some underlying motive, which it what I suspect the issue to be.
I’m curious. When you initially offered, did you say you would fix the dent, or that you would fix the bumper?
The offer was to only fix the dent, and said if she wanted to I would find her a used bumper to replace it if she was still bothered by the crack.
Then yeah, NTA. She knew what you were offering and what the limits were.
Nobody is the asshole. But you are definitely not compatible. Be glad she ended it. You are a fixit type person and she wants to pay professionals to do things. Your relationship would not have lasted.
You’re NTA, hopefully, as long as your insistence didn’t get annoying. But you aren’t married, sounds like you don’t even live together, so presumably no shared finances. If she wants a new bumper despite your ability to remove the dent FOR FREE, that’s a poor financial decision on her part but still her decision. At some point she has to be allowed to light fire to two grand of her own money, and at that point you have to let her.
NTA. She’s really an inexperienced driver if she accidentally pressed on the gas instead of the brake and then struck a vehicle. Glad she didn’t strike a person. She likes to spend the money even if it’s unnecessary.Move on and find someone more compatible because she’s high maintenance