I asked my (32F) husband (36M) to choose a takeout place for dinner. I was visiting my grandfather about an hour away from home, and was going to pick up dinner on the way home. He found a place close to where we live, and sent a link to the place and said “worth just checking them out, they are close.” It was close enough to our house that I wondered why we hadn’t been there before. He said, “There are a bunch of bad reviews, despite the 4.3 rating, probably why we haven’t been there.”
I started looking at other takeout places and found one closer to my grandfathers house on the way home. It also had 4.3 stars, but about 5x as many reviews as the other place. I asked him to check out the place I found. He said “yep, that looks good too.” So I immediately placed an order at that place since it was getting late and I was about to leave. After I placed the order, I saw he texted, “I’m okay with the first place I picked, I was just explaining why we probably haven’t tried before now.” I didn’t see this message until after I placed the order at the second place. So I called him to tell him I ordered from the second place, and he became very irritated with me. He said that he had wanted to try the place that was closer to home to know if it was good and if we could be ordering from there more often. I said if that was the case, he needed to communicate that, and he shouldn’t have said “yep, that looks good too” when I asked about the second place. He said I shouldn’t have kept looking for new places after he already chose a place. I told him that I was sorry that he wasn’t getting to try the restaurant that he wanted, but that I did not feel like I had done anything wrong. He said “I bet you don’t!” From there, it turned into a way bigger argument than anyone should ever have over a stupid Chinese restaurant. Am I wrong for continuing to look at more restaurants after he suggested a place that he said got some bad reviews?
NAH Your marriage is pretty stable if this is your biggest argument. Both of you get over it.
NTA he was being very vague and expected you to read his mind. ‘This place has bad reviews, probably why we haven’t been there’ *after* ‘worth checking out’ doesn’t exactly scream ‘I want to get it from the place with bad reviews’.
He needs to learn to be more direct when asking what he wants. Does he know you didn’t get his text okaying the first place until after you had already ordered?
INFO: I think this is probably a case where the restaurant is not the actual issue. Do you have arguments like this often? Does he always escalate like this? Do you have a history of not admitting fault when you probably should have, or when he thinks you should have?
If he wanted to order from that specific place, he can submit the order and pick it up. You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. NTA.
NAH, this is just being alive. You eat some good chinese food, you eat some bad chinese food, you go on a few diets, you die.
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Info: If you got food by your grandfather’s house, which was an hour away from your home, doesn’t that mean that the food then had to travel an hour to get to your house? It must’ve been so cold by the time you actually got to eat it! Could that be part of the reason he is so annoyed?
INFO you ordered takeout from a restaurant an hour away from home? I would be upset about that alone.
>He said I shouldn’t have kept looking for new places after he already chose a place
You’re almost not an AH, except your husband is right about this. You asked *him* to choose a place. He chose.
Then you started looking for other places?
Why ask him to choose if you’re just going to find a place yourself?
YTA, though it’s really minor. But, you asked, so 🤷♀️
I get this. For real. Except I was perfectly fine ordering from the place he chose until he said that it got bad reviews and that’s why we hadn’t tried it before. I misinterpreted that as “maybe we actually shouldn’t order from here because it got some bad reviews.” I shouldn’t have assumed that’s what he meant. But also- I asked his opinion of the second place before ordering to make sure he was good with it. He said yep that looks good too. So i feel like maybe I’m 1% the asshole for assuming. But like… why would I think he still wants to order from there after telling me it got bad reviews? So frustrating
If people actually knew how to communicate with each other, the sub wouldn’t exist.
YTA. You asked him to choose a takeout place, and when he did, you continued to look at other places yourself and override his decision without asking him. Why even ask him to choose in the first place?
YTA. You asked him to choose a place, then chose your own anyway. I’d be annoyed
Soft YTA/ESH.
You asked your husband to choose a place for dinner. -He did.
You wondered why you guys hadn’t been there before. Don’t know if you asked him this or not. But, he says “there are a bunch of bad reviews, despite the 4.3 rating, probably why we haven’t been there.” -My interpretation of this is not of him taking back his choice, but of him giving an explanation for why you guys haven’t given this place any consideration.
You then decide to look for another place, send it to him, and take his reply “yep, that looks good too” to mean that’s what he now wants. -Without actually confirming with him if he actually wanted that place. He never said he’d rather have the second option, just that it looks good too.
Hubby sucks for lashing out. He can always order from that restaurant in the future. This isn’t the only night he is allowed to possibly have that place for takeout.