In my math course, we had to do an assignment at home, and me and a few classmates decided to work on it together.
I had already done a part of it on my own, and one of the classmates sent me their part. I compared both of our results, and she omitted a pretty important step, which i mentioned to her.
She started getting agressive with me, and denying and saying it’s not important. When we got our grades back, the teacher mentioned that there was a part a lot of students didn’t correctly do, and that part was the one we « argued » about.
When I asked her work partner (because we submitted in groups of two) about that part, she said « oh that’s the part you decided to do on your side ». Worth mentioning that partner was there during the moment where i tried to correct her, and i reminded her of the fact that i did try to tell them it was wrong but they didn’t want to listen. There was even a guy that had said « listen to her, what she’s saying seems right». She said oh well you said it was wrong but didn’t say anything further. I clearly remember demonstrating my part three times on the board. Suddenly oh well it doesn’t matter.
Another time, we had a coding exam a few days after and we were studying together, and these people were really struggling, and knowing that i’m pretty good at it, i offered to help them. They got mad at me. During the test they made a gc where they all sent the answers, while excluding me out of it but including other people they barely knew. I ended up placing 3rd overall without cheating, while their ranking was still on the lower end.
I don’t really understand why everyone keeps assuming ill intentions on my end, while i only tried to help. When we were eating, while the girl i had an argument about the assignment wasn’t there, another girl said something along the lines of « she hates when people get better grades than her ».
I responded to that, saying « she also hates when someone corrects her ». The girl responded « you correct people all the time ! », which i don’t really understand, because i couldn’t even have the opportunity to correct her outside of that assignment, since i never work with her outside of that.
We did do another assignment one time and i had told her about a sign error, and she also had a hard time accepting it but still ended up complying. But that still adds up to a total of two times. « All the time » seems a bit harsh.
Also personally, i only corrected her since it was a graded assignment and i didn’t want it to cost points for her, i really didn’t mean to make her feel bad or anything. Knowing the course I’m in is pretty competitive and very ranking based, more ill intentioned people would have kept quiet about the mistake.
Should i have said nothing? What should i do in the future? Do these people simply hate me?
NTA. Is it possible you’re on the spectrum, though? Maybe these classmates really are just assholes, but I wonder if there might be some friction because you’re not reading each other’s cues well.
i have always wondered if i was on the spectrum… i had a phase when i was younger where i would go on random websites like omegle to practice socializing, or i would read books about how to act😵💫 pretty embarassing i know
NAH It’s really difficult to help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. Let them know the offer is open, and that there’s no judgement, and then leave it alone. Let them come to you when they actually want help. If you keep pressing, it migt actually push them away.
ESH Look, you’ve now had multiple people provide the feedback that something about the way you provide this constructive criticism is not appreciated. Either they are very sensitive, or something about how you come across makes people defensive. If you can self-reflect on why that is, that’ll help you in the future. For now, stop giving unsolicited advice. Honestly, no matter your intentions, people generally don’t want it and it’s not up to you to tutor them.
NTA. Some people take correction as the correcter wanting to feel smarter than the person corrected. You’re just trying to help, and it’s not your fault her ego is getting in the way. But if you continue to work with her and correct her in the future, then it’s in AH territory because she’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t want your help. So I’d end any kind of relationship with her.
YTA with the correcting. Like, sure, once is fine. But you admittedly ARGUED with her about it. If she wants to be wrong, let her be wrong! And to keep bringing this shit up after y’all get the grades back? How exactly is that you trying to help??
> I don’t really understand why everyone keeps assuming ill intentions on my end
Cause you do ish like this:
> I responded to that, saying « she also hates
Its what people with ill intent do: pile on.
Then this:
> ended up complying.
Comply? You have a very off putting way of words. Very demeaning.
> , i really didn’t mean to make her feel bad or anything
Really? If making her feel bad got her to “comply” eaiser would you do it? I think you would. I think your a means to the end type of person.
To your question:
> When I asked her work partner
None of your business. And its unseemly to go around her. At very least, you ask her but I think asking at all would be AH here YTA.
english is not my first language, i apologize if my wording was clumsy. her work partner is also my friend, and was also working with me at the same time on that assignment.
NTA because I think you are genuine in your desire to help, but I think you need to accept things for what they are. Every time you have tried to help these people, it has had a negative impact and they did not listen to you anyway. So, why do you keep on trying to help when it seems clear that your help isn’t really wanted? After the first time – I think you should have backed off.
Second, if they are in fact cheating on graded assignments or tests where you are not supposed to be working together, then they are not only cheating you – but everyone else in this class. You have knowledge of this and some might say that you have an obligation to report it because it is unethical behavior that is also against the rules (I presume). You can report this anonymously or you can do nothing and let it continue.
If you do nothing and they get ahead of you, don’t cry about it…and don’t accuse them after the fact because then it will be obvious that you tolerated the cheating until it impacted you directly, which does make you a you-know-what.
YTA,
You sound like an insufferable know it all that goes out of their way to make sure everyone knows how good you are “I finished 3# but they where on the low end of things”
The whole “but I was right !” Thing is an excuse people use to be an ass.
it is just how it is in my course. we don’t get grades but we get rankings. it’s a pretty comptetitive environment and everyone knows everyones rank.
The fact that this was your takeaway. When you had no reason to boast about your rank on reddit since none of us know you. But you had to not just put in your original post that you where #3 but that they where low, is exactly the issue you are having .
NTA. Yes, they hate you because they’re jealous of you and for good reason – you’re smarter than them. My best advice to you would be to ignore these people. If that means having to ignore everyone around you and stick to yourself, then so be it. Bad company/friends/colleagues is worse than no company. And make no mistake, jealously is one of the most powerful and, for some, dangerous emotions that humans experience. Some will be inclined to hurt you, possibly physically, due to their jealousy of you. It is critical to avoid being around jealous people.