(This is my first time doing something like this so spare with me)
My best friend (for the sake of this, let’s call him ‘Noah’) and his girlfriend (let’s call her ‘Maria’) have been together for about two years on and off, and for the most of their time together i’ve tried to keep my mouth shut. Noah has told me multiple times that due to her rough upbringing she needs emotional support and a lot of confirmation. While this may not seem like a big thing, he skips planned hangouts to check on her, causing us to have to reschedule.
In the past couple of weeks, though, Noah has told me Maria hasn’t been feeling well enough to meet up with him despite apparently having enough energy to go put with friends. I gave him advice and suggested he talk to her, and she absolutely blew up on him. She called him insecure for wanting to be by her side all the time, saying he didn’t trust her.
Noah genuinely texted me nights ago asking me if I thought he was a toxic guy and i told him straight up that Maria’s reaction was absolutely not right and that it’s not healthy to be in a one sided support relationship.
Unfortunately yesterday night I got a text from Maria. Noah told her what i had said and the accusations were in the least, confusing. Maria told me i was “obsessing” over Noah and that it wasn’t my place to talk about their relationship, going so far to say i was “Infecting him with my queerness??”
Now, Noah is completely ghosting me, and i’m getting nonstop dm’s from Maria telling me I’m trying to split them up. I’m genuinely concerned for Noah’s mental health and now i’m worried I may have interfered and caused a bigger problem.
AITA?
NTA. Your friend is in a toxic, dangerous relationship. If your recognize that and don’t warn your friend, then you aren’t a good friend.
From what you wrote, it sounds like you weren’t even direct or blunt with N.
NTA Ignore or block M. Message N and tell him you’re there if he needs you. But beyond that you’re going to have to let him work it out.
NTA but I hope you’ve learned a lesson here about intervening in a friend’s relationship. Don’t be a kibitzer. Let him play his own hand.
NTA, how old are y’all? Have you seen the Spiderman animated movie sequel? This is your friend’s canon event. He’s in a toxic relationship but he won’t listen to you, that’s a side effect of being in the toxic relationship. You’re definitely right but unfortunately romance trumps friendship for people and well toxic relationships aren’t called toxic for no reason.
The three of us are 16-17, and honestly, the canon event thing hits hard. Its frustrating to watch someone go through this but I’m starting to realize I can’t force him to see my point of view
NTA. Your friend definitely has an issue but unfortunately that’s on him. Block the crazy girl and send your friend a simple text, that if he needs a friend you’re present but until then you’d be LC with him.