I’ve (21) been friends with “Cleo” (21) since I was around 14 years old. I love her so much and she’s one of my closest friends, however her biggest issue is that she is quite insecure about her looks even though she is genuinely such a pretty girl. I’m not just saying that as her friend, she is genuinely a pretty person everyone agrees, she always get male attention when she goes out and girls compliment her often. like she’s just objectively pretty.
The problem is whenever we take photos, if she doesn’t like it no one‘s allowed to post it at all even if everyone likes the photo and says that she looks good, we’re just not allowed to post it. This has led to massive blow ups if we do, for example one time I posted a photo that she didn’t like, that I didn’t know that she didn’t like. I had my phone off and when i went it to it she was extremely mad, called me about 16 times, messaged me so much, and then we had a bit of an argument afterwards. Bear in mind, I don’t have that many followers on that account and not many people were gonna see it anyways.
So recently what I’ve been doing is when I want to post a photo that I know that she doesn’t like I just hide her from my story and anyone that she knows that might mention it to her so that they can’t see it.
She’s never noticed it, it hasn’t caused any issues and it hasn’t impacted her life whatsoever. I understand that she has insecurities, but I just don’t feel like it’s fair that one person’s emotions can stop us from posting what we want. There’s so many times that I’ve wanted to share important and fun parts of my life, but I can’t because she doesn’t like the photo. also, it’s not like I’m an influencer and I have loads of followers. I don’t. I’m just a regular person who has like a regular amount of followers for someone who’s had their Instagram for a few years.
That said, I know hiding it from her is being dishonest so that’s why I’m just asking if I’m in the wrong here.
AITA?
EDIT: To clarify some things, I do respect her wishes the majority of the times i’ve only done this a few times and that was because they were great photos and everybody looked great in them. She always complains about the smallest thing that no one would ever notice like her eyes look slightly off or her eyebrows are longer than usual. I understand people are secure and I would never want to violate that but it also comes to a point where i have to show anything i ever post to her to get her approval.
YTA. She’s being very clear about a healthy boundary. Don’t like it? Then take separate pictures without her.
YTA
You don’t get to post photos of people when they ask you not to, and being intentionally sneaky about it to hide from her is AH.
Why is posting a photo more important than your friend’s feelings?
YTA. A person gets to say what pictures of them are shared or not shared on any platform, period. This is a quick way to lose a friend because you want internet points by other people.
Ask yourself how you would feel if you set a boundary and found out someone you considered a friend was crossing it constantly behind your back?
YTA. If she doesn’t want you posting pics of her online – don’t do it. It’s her choice to be private.
YTA about doing something your know your friend wont appreciate and lying about it. Your friends seems difficult to navigate. What about hiding her face text/emoji? Or taking pictures with her and then without her to post?
YTA. Don’t post pictures of other people without their permission.
YTA.
She doesn’t want that picture of herself posted. It doesn’t matter why. It doesn’t matter if you think she looks great. Maybe its not about how she looks? Maybe she doesn’t want anyone to know where she is/what she is doing? By posting her image online without her permission and against her explicit wishes, you’re violating her trust.
Talk to her about it. Say you want to be able to post pics of yourself and your friends, and if she doesn’t want that, she can sit out of a few pictures so y’all can still post without making her uncomfortable and violating her privacy.
But yeah, posting images of her without her permission after she’s specifically told you not to is absolutely asshole behavior.
YTA. I am one of those people who dont like their photo posted and if this was done to me I would go **nuclear** on you.
Its perfectly OK to take photos separately to post – and to tell her it’s for posting so she should get out of frame. It is NOT ok to post photos of her without her permission when she’s made her boundary clear repeatedly.
YTA just ask her to step away when you take the photo and take it without her (or take one with and one without)
There are a lot of reasons people dont want their picture online and some of them may not be things she is discussing with you. It should be enough that she has asked you not to post them online.
AITA. Do not post photos of people without their permission. Period. Never mind what their reason is for not wanting it posted. And some places posting without permission is downright illegal.
>There’s so many times that I’ve wanted to share important and fun parts of my life, but I can’t because she doesn’t like the photo.
Just take some photos without her in them at events of which you will want to post the photos. Take some with her for private memories and without her for posting. This is really not a difficult problem to solve without resorting to morally and legally dubious methods.
INFO: If you want to post photos but she doesn’t like ones with her in them, why don’t you just take photos without her? Then you wouldn’t have this problem?
YTA. How many massive blowups do you and your friends require before respecting her wishes?
Put her on the end in group photos so you can crop or leave her out of them entirely. And stop feeding her insecurity or whatever by endless reviews and seeking her approval.
YTA because you know she doesn’t like it and are sneaking around behind her back to do the thing she doesn’t like.
> I just hide her from my story and anyone that she knows that might mention it to her so that they can’t see it
Is this not a sign you’re doing something you know maybe isn’t right? This is such an over the top waste of time just to post pictures no one else even cares about (sorry).
Your problem solving skills are also lacking. Have you considered asking if she wants to be in pictures and letting her opt out?
YTA. She doesn’t want her photo on your social media. What’s your comprehension problem here? Take photos without her, it’s really quite simple. You simply don’t post photos of others without their consent.