Hey guys, I, (17m) decided about a year ago that I was pagan. I have my reasons, not getting into them in this post obviously. My mother is super christian. She wasn’t before, but ever since I’ve gotten into witchcraft she’s been super devout. Only listening to Jesus music and playing it on full blast in the car with me, constantly referencing Bible verses, ect. ect.
So, I purchased a tarot deck a few months back. She told me I could, but she also told me that I couldn’t actually do any readings. which was strange since she let me buy the deck. She told me that she doesn’t want demons plaguing her god loving household. (Understandable I guess) I used to do readings after school in the library or an empty classroom. however, she pulled me out of school to homeschool me, so I’m basically at home 24/7 with the exception of work.
The thing is, tarot and my beliefs really help me mentally. My goddess (that she calls a demon any time I mention her) helped pull me out of a deep, multiple long month mental spiral when I found her. Tarot used to help me in my everyday life. Helping me stay calm, not letting my emotions or anxiety rule my mind, preparing me for the day. Now that I have nowhere to read, and she doesn’t let me connect with my goddess, my emotions are all over the place, and I can almost feel myself back at that edge.
So, I started reading in my room, after she and my step dad went to sleep. By candlelight, ears constantly open and toward the door. It’s helped a lot, and I feel so much better. But I still feel guilty for reading in her house when she doesn’t want it anywhere near her.
AITA for doing it anyways? any suggestions? I can’t go read other places because she doesn’t want me reading anywhere else at all, as I’d bring the energy and demons back with me. and would see the deck when I leave.
idk but ur usernames funny
It’s my default secret profile username lol. I feel like it covers the basics 😂
NTA but you should really start saving money in secret so you can move out when you turn 18. Might be worth letting someone at work know if you have anyone trustworthy because her behavior is NOT normal for a run of the mill christian.
It is very par for the course for someone dipping their toes into spiritual psychosis or of someone who is/has fallen into a cult sect.
Your mom is acting like she’s in a whole ass cult or having some kind of mental break if she suddenly became this ‘devout’ (heavy quotes on that one) and will likely escalate; I mean hell she’s already pulled you out of public school over it, and there’s a very good chance she and your stepdad will continue trying to isolate you until you do what they want.
Oh definetley. She’s super controlling, but also she’s still my mom. I already have a house waiting for me when I move out, as my grandparents are renting their vacation home (it’s like 20 mins away) to me when I turn 18. And, I work for a family friend soooo that might not work 😅
NTA. I would suggest stop mentioning your beliefs or practices to your parents in any way. That helps nobody, least of all you. There’s nothing wrong with reading the deck or anything else you want to do, and there’s nothing wrong with doing it secretly if your parents are trying to block you.
I admit I say these things as someone who doesn;t believe in goddesses or demons or “energy,” so to me there is no way the spirits could damage your household or harm your parents. If you think they could, your worry might make some sense.
NTA. You are not hurting anyone and you are using something that helps your mental health. Your mother can have her beliefs, but she should not control yours, especially when you are being private and respectful. Reading quietly in your room is a reasonable way to cope in a difficult situation.
Yeah, especially since most of the reasons I have to cope are from her 🤣
May I suggest that your goddess and her god are two sides of the same coin? Idk people believe different things but I think the human brain evolved to find comfort in the belief of a higher power even though it’s unlikely that one actually exists. Just do whatever rituals help your mental health.
NTA. There are many Christians who use Tarot. I have a guide book that was written with God/Christ references. Your Mom falls smack into the “I don’t understand it, it’s different, therefore it is evil” thinking.
Read somewhere else. She won’t know. I also suggest oracle cards. You can choose a set that is less ‘questionable’ and get the guidance you need. There are Angel tarot or oracle. I found a Jesus tarot deck on Etsy. There are lessons in this situation. Be patient and kinda, especially yourself.
So I’ll tell you what I told my sister once.
\-Stop telling mom shit. You don’t have to tell her things.
Just don’t tell her. She’s proven herself to be an unsafe person, so she doesn’t need to know the things that she’s going to be unsafe about. You’re 17, this isn’t about drugs or anything that’s going to actually hurt anyone. It’s actually healthy not to tell your parents some things. Talk to her about anything else, but not this.
“She doesn’t want me reading anywhere else at all.” Cool, she doesn’t get to know when/where you read. Not her business. Get a backpack, Put some books and some notebooks in it. Then she can’t see the deck when you leave. Also, pro-tip, look up “Universal Waite” — it’s a recolored Smith deck and the cards are much smaller than traditional tarot cards. Mine fits in a medium-sized coin purse in the bottom of the front pocket of my backpack. You really have to dig for it even if you know it’s there. (I’m not even hiding from anyone, it’s just convenient)
Even if you did bring demons back with you (you won’t), her god protects her, right?
If she does things like hunt through your bag before you leave, stop reading a tarot deck until you can move out, and learn to read a poker deck. It’s not identical, obviously, but the pips are the same. Tell her you’ve taken up solitaire. Play solitaire at the kitchen table sometimes to sell it.
This is hard and and it sucks. I’m sorry. Find Pagan groups in your town so you can hang out with people who get it. If there’s a Unitarian Universalist congregation in your town see if they have a Covenant of UU Pagans (CUUPs) group. You don’t have to be UU to go to CUUPs, and the people tend to be laid back. Tell your mom it’s a book club. It’s okay to lie to people who have shown themselves to be irresponsible with the truth.
NTA, of course, and start thinking about how you’re going to handle this over the next few years. Move out? Stand up to her? Be stealthy? Pretend to be Christian to keep her off your back? Protecting yourself is always valid.
NTA How you pray in the privacy of your own head or room is none of her business. I’ve never once seen someone set rules about what religion you’re allowed to be, or pray to in your head, in their house. I think it’s fair to not pray on her behalf or set wards on the property but other than that go nuts. There’s absolutely no need to feel guilty for being a practicing pagan. Religious freedom is a fundamental human right.
If your tarot cards get taken you can still do readings with a regular deck of playing cards or you can d.i.y. some rune stones and do rune readings.
NTA, you can choose your own beliefs