Am I the asshole? Okay, so I F(20) live with my partner M(25) and recently one his friends M(25) that comes over frequently, got kicked out of where he lives. He was staying at one of his friends mom’s house, but the friend doesn’t live there with him. He stayed there rent free, and worked a little bit but ended up getting fired. So since that has happened he’s been asking my boyfriend if he can stay with us for a week, but I know it will not just be a week. Now, I don’t really like this friend, because one, he’s disrespected our relationship before, and every time he comes over, he overstays his welcome, eats all our snacks and doesn’t even clean up after himself. We also have a friend F(29) who he lived with for a little and she said that when he lived with her, he didn’t do anything but play on his game all day, didn’t help with chores or anything of the sort. So I feel like I have some pretty valid reasons. I feel like if he stayed with us, it would be really awkward if he did because my boyfriend works 8 hours, and I wouldn’t wanna be alone with his friend because all the space we have to chill in is our bedroom and our living room, we would run out of a lot of our food, the house would be messy, and I wouldn’t get much time with my boyfriend and I feel like it would cause some problems in our relationship too. Now, my boyfriend told me that this is completely up to me, and if I don’t want him to he won’t have him stay with us, but he also told me he feels bad for his friend and tried to convince me and when I said no, stop asking, he just said “selfish.” And shook his head. But I do feel really bad because he is in a homeless shelter and that’s the part that’s bothering me the most… I’m having trouble sleeping because of how guilty I feel. On one hand, if he doesn’t stay here, I’m happy and comfortable in my own home, but on the other hand if he stays here it would be good for him. I really don’t know what to do honestly.
Your reasons not to let the guy in are valid. NTA
NTA
I’m sure BF would agree if you told him exactly what you’ve shared about the friend here.
>Now, my boyfriend told me that this is completely up to me, and if I don’t want him to he won’t have him stay with us
Remind him of what he said, that it is up to you. You have said No, and No means no. You do not want this person to move in, and that’s that. If your boyfriend keeps asking, then what he said before is meaningless and he does not respect your opinion and feelings.
If he goes on about it again after you have told him the matter is closed, then he cares more for his friend than he does for you.
As They say, **Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.**
NTA
His friend is selfish for relying on others to house him yet being disrespectful of their space. NTA
Your boyfriend told you its your call so No is a complete sentence. You don’t need to justify for anything.
If you do, you don’t feel safe with the guy. If your boyfriend is on his side he ain’t your boyfriend. He should move out and let his friend mooch off him until he cracks the shits.
“cracks the shits”? Also NTA OP, don’t let the friend move in.
Don’t let him stay!! Remind your boyfriend of what your friend said that he lived with. This is going to cause you nothing but problems if you let him stay. I would really focus on how uncomfortable you would be with him there while your BF is at work. Also, if it’s really up to you, why is BF trying to guilt trip you by calling you selfish? Why is this friend being comfortable more important than you? What plan would this friend have after a week stay at your house that he doesn’t have now( spoiler… none) ? Which means he will be there a lot longer than a week! Given his pal’s track record, this is a hill I would be willing to die on!
His friend is selfish
Have him sign a note when he moves in…DATED that states: I am a guest at x address staring on x date. My departure date is x. I do not consider this my home. Also state that any gaming activity is to take place as a group at times decided on by the residents. Explain u have an expectation of using the common area n affording him the bed space for sleeping only.
I’m a retired cop and a lawyer now. He would HAVE to leave if u called the police if he doesn’t leave on time. Call the first day tho. He could not claim to be a resident and the police will escort him out. If u go more than one day past u lost ur legal leg to stand on.
If u decide he can stay longer (do not tell him until the end that a second week could happen…he will stop looking for solutions)…but IF u extend it…rewrite the statement and have him sign again. By the third week he should leave for at least a week. Once he can say he’s living there…the process is extremely time consuming and can take 3-4 months. I’m not giving you legal advice. I’m telling you what I’d tell my kid.
OR
Say no
NTA!!
NTA. You have been told by another person that he does nothing but play his game all day and does not help or contribute to the house. Stand your ground and don’t back down. It will only end bad for both you and your BF
NTA. What woman your age wants a random homeless 25-year-old guy crashing in her place? Spending the days there while the bf is working? Yeah no. Living with your bf does not require you to take in his stray friends, especially one with this guy’s bad track record as a houseguest. Bad on your bf for saying “your choice” and then trying to shame you for your choice: don’t fall for that manipulation.
I wouldn’t count on this bf having your back in general. Just saying.
This guy is a bum, a loser and a slob and you’re totally right that it’s not just gonna be for a week, because once he moves in he’s not gonna want to leave. And not only that but you’re the one that’s gonna have to be there with him most of the time, so NTA.
NTA maybe he will learn to be an adult and be humbled from the shelter. He’s a freeloader and you don’t owe him anything.