For context my family is visiting after I hung out with them in a different state for a while and now I’m back in my home state and they’re staying for a while to hangout with family here. They wanted to tag me along so I went with them for a day to hangout and I also brought along my friends so we could all hangout. Then I had planned previously for the day after that I could hangout with my friends and they would come over but my family wanted to hangout and I told them like last minute I wanted to hangout with my friends instead of them but I said it in a really apologetic manner cause I had felt really bad but now I feel like I’m an asshole for telling them I don’t want to hangout even though I much prefer my friends purely cause they have done more for me in the past than my family there. But I only see that family once a year. I feel like the asshole for telling them I don’t want to hangout because I had already planned with my friends. I did try to reconcile my letting them come over for a little and say their goodbyes and such but idk I still feel like an asshole. Oh I also forgot to add that one of the people who I had chosen is my boyfriend
Yta, softly. It’s just one day a year for your family. You have 364 more with your friends.
NTA. Sounds like you’ve spent time with your family and had other plans on the third day. Also sounds like they were visiting others too, not just you. In the end, you got to say your goodbyes just before they left and they should understand that you had made some other plans that third day.
NTA sometimes you have to make decisions with whom you spent time with especially ehen you see both groups that rare
NTA
If your family didn’t feel negatively about it, don’t worry about.
If you want some advice, i will say this: you only see your family once a year, and part of being a participant in a family, chosen or inborn, is sometimes sacrificing an immediate want for something less desirable for the sake of a short-term situation. You seem pretty young from the way you write, and I know when I was young I preferred spending time with my friends. If your family is important to you, sacrificing a few hours with the friends and boyfriend you can spend time with every other day of the year is really a no brainer. Especially when it sounds like they didn’t get any alone time with you since you brought your friends to spend time with them.
That said, it’s all about the relationships you choose to foster. It’s up to you, you made your choice, and I didn’t read any real conflict other than your internal struggle. If you continue to feel conflicted, that can either be a sign that you acted against some innate personal code, or it can be a sign of discomfort from growth (e.g. further detaching from your original family unit in a way that is healthy for you as you nurture the relationships with your chosen family).
Edit to add: NAH
Friends are the family you chose
NTA. I am right there with you.
It sounds like you might be an asshole for communicating poorly.
It’s not clear exactly what you did “last minute”.