My boyfriend(32m) and I (28f) have been together for 3 years but I have only just recently met his mom, as she lives halfway across the country. She’s been staying w us for the last couple weeks taking care of some stuff w their old house that she’s selling (she used to live in our city, my boyfriend grew up here). So far we’ve gotten along great, made meals together, hung out one on one while my boyfriend works etc.
Yesterday we went by one of her “old haunts” as she calls them for lunch, she was expecting to see her old regular server but she wasn’t there. We had lunch around 1, finished up around 2:30, and then were getting ready to leave. She then stops us and tells us to hold on, she just invited an old friend to come sit with us. I worked in restaurants for years, I know it’s kind of a faux pas to stay long after you’ve paid, ESPECIALLY in this situation because this restaurants happy hour starts at 3 and I know it can get busy. I order a coffee for me and my boyfriend, she doesn’t want anything. 30, 45, an hour goes by, she still doesn’t want anything else, and her friend still hasn’t arrived. The server has walked by and refilled our coffees, we’ve had dessert, it’s to the point where I have literally nothing else to order, and she’s still just chatting away, saying her friend should be here soon. At this point the seats around us are getting PACKED, this is a pretty busy place for happy hour apparently. At this point I mention how it’s busy, and we should probably meet her friend elsewhere, and her mom responds “we already paid, let’s just stay!” Which I found kinda dismissive. This is where I might be the A hole, because I was over sitting in the same booth for so long, my dog needed to be walked, and I just felt like it was rude for us to still be there taking up space, so I explained that the restaurant is obviously busy, we’re actively losing the server money, and we could literally just go somewhere else nearby and wait for her friend.
She then leaves to go to the restroom, when she comes back she just says “well let’s go then” and then when we get home she just sat in her room the rest of the day watching TV. Today she’s been super cold to me, but is fine with my boyfriend. He says she’ll get over it and I was right, but I feel like I might’ve permanently ruined our relationship.
NTA. She sounds like an absolute joy.
Info: when did her friend show up?
She never did.
NTA – how immature to give you the cold shoulder over that.
NTA. You were trying to be considerate of the restaurant and the staff
NTA. She is an adult and responsible for her own emotional regulation. You were pointing out normal social cues and etiquette. She’ll get over it, especially if your boyfriend isn’t worried.
NTA and good for you
NTA Your bf’s mother was being wildly inconsiderate. You were right, you should have and easily could have met her friend elsewhere. Did your bf have an opinion on the situation?
NTA. It also sounds like your BF knows how she is; and honestly, I doubt it was just distance for why you are just meeting her after 3 years of dating him. He didn’t want you to be put off by her.
When you both have a private moment, ask him what’s up with his mom’s behavior.
NAH and I doubt it would permanently ruin your relationship
She’s obviously never worked in a restaurant. Or she’s just rude and doesn’t care. NTA
There’s a possibility that her retreating has less to do with you and more to do with her being sad that she no longer felt like a regular in one of her old “haunts,” embarrassed that her friend didn’t show up, or sad that she’s selling your bf’s childhood home, or because the place she used to live has changed and she’s gotten older etc. etc.
I had a similar thought. The mother was caught up in reliving her heyday and was disappointed in the whole day. It’s sad when you think you’re revisiting a place from your past but everything has changed.
NTA. Omg you had to walk your dog, you were sitting there for HOURS! I would have been so bored. You already went well above and beyond to give her a chance to see the person who never showed. Extra hours! Its crazy! And your boyfriend’s mother is giving you the silent treatment which is so immature, because she is disappointed that the old friend never showed up and she’s taking it out on you. I could not sit in the same booth for hours after finished eating. Her request was ridiculous and she needs to get over herself.