I was chatting with a friend. The conversation started casually and jokingly about motivating each other to organize/clean.
At some point, he asked if he would get a “reward” if he cleaned well. I found it weird but I just joked back at first, not thinking too deeply about it. But then he said he wanted a “smile” from me and for me to say that I was proud of him. I wanted to end this conv so I said "We’ll see lol" but he insisted a bit, saying he wanted my answer to be “yes” and he says things like "But then how will you know if I earned it?"
This made me uncomfortable because it felt like he was asking for validation in a way that put me in a parental or approving role, which is not a dynamic I’m used to with friends.
So atp I reacted by making a comment like “do you have mommy issues or what,” which he didn’t take well. He replied that he just wanted to impress a friend and that I made it weird. After that, he said maybe he should take a step back and ended the conversation.
Now I am not sure if my reaction was unnecessary or not. Was it indeed weird or did I overthink it ? AITA for reacting that way ?
NAH
I think he was trying to flirt, and you unintentionally turned it into a kink shame. Hilarious honestly.
I agree. He was trying to open the door to something. He was looking for a response along the lines of a playful “Well, what do you want for being such a good boy?”
Did he do something similar in the past or was this a first ?
NTA
Reading this made me uncomfortable on your behalf. I guess maybe you could have been gentler but I don’t blame you for not reacting well.
Omg, everyone else seems to find him flirty? I just thought it sounded 💯 on the creeptastic scale. For context though- I find pretty much all flirting to be uncomfortable.
NTA
It can be flirty and creepy
NTA. It was an immature response from him and I don’t blame you for wierding out.
NTA.
But he wasn’t putting you in a parental role, he was trying to flirt with you and got embarrassed. Not your fault at all but I think you need to be clear with him that you aren’t interested in him that way.
NAH
Dude was trying really hard to make the conversation a bit sexy. He’s clearly into you. You may see him as a friend, but it’s not mutual. I have a hard time believing you didn’t realise what was happening.
NTA. He is not your friend. He’s waiting for you to choose him. If a man was with another male friend, they would totally make a joke about them having mommy issues. Don’t feel bad if your “friend” can’t take it.
He fancies you.
Oh honey, that’s a guy trying to turn this sexy. It sounds like he’s very innocent/inexperienced, and that’s why it was a smile and not a kiss or something involving farther along bases. This is absolutely classic behavior for a guy who is interested in you looking for a way to get your attention. Unfortunately, the kind of guy who does this sort of thing is also the kind of guy who will eventually gat mad at you for never “noticing him” and will accuse you of “friend-zoning” him.
They pretty much never get that you believe they’re doing kind and helpful things for you because you two are friends, and instead they view their behaviors like putting coins in a vending machine that will eventually dispense romance or sex or both. It really sucks when you run into that with someone you trust as a friend.
NTA.
Reading the replies made me realize how naive I am actually lol. I didnt think it was flirting as he is very very Christian and I am not. I was thinking, jeopardizing a friendship for a relationship that we know would never work simply doesnt make sense. And although the thought of it being flirting occured to me briefly, I definitely didnt think of it as smth sexy 💀
Yeah, the first time I was proposed to, it was by a Mormon boy I thought was just my friend, when I was just turned 16 and he was I think just shy of 18. He wanted to marry me and have me convert to his religion. I would never have even considered the possibility that he was thinking we were more than friends before he told me his plans and gave me a Book of Mormon. I’d never been so poleaxed in all my life before, and honestly I don’t think I have since. I was at the time a pretty ardent atheist and pretty open about my non-faith (I grew up into an ecclectic pagan over the next few years, partly because I realized my snarky argumentative atheist position was a reaction to going to religious schools for 3 years and resenting having Christianity thrust at me and not so much my own conviction), but I was very inexperienced with boys and very naive about them (my first 2 years of high school were at a girl’s school, and before that I was badly bullied. Life got WEIRD when guys as a whole were suddenly interested in me after I transferred).
Honestly, you may not have intended a shut down, but you did it very effectively. Now he’ll be forced to decide whether he’s actually your friend or whether he’s only interested in finding out whether he can sample the forbidden fruit. If he decides to be your real friend, and you want to still be his friend, pretend it never happened (or you never figured it out). If he brings it up, I’d suggest saying you should have offered snacks or ice cream or similar, since he was working hard, and you will next time. That will both signal that you don’t want to know about him having any interest in you, and that you want to be done with this awkward conversation he’s trying to have now.