I (24F) was hired end of 2023. Some other people hired in the months before me formed a friend group. I’m not part of this group but am friendly with them, especially 3 people, Charles, Matthew and Jane. There’s this girl in the group, Sam, who I’m not close to.
A new friend from the company, AJ, invited me to a summer outing with his friends. I asked Charles for his opinion, and he said things like "Oh Sam told me about him. That’s his tactic. He targets new girls to get close to and invites them to things. People don’t even really attend his parties. Just be careful with him, he can’t be trusted". So of course, that freaked me out and I declined his invite. But I saw pics on social media of their trip, and there was a big group including female acquaintances of mine and friends of Charles and Sam. They said they had a fun time.
I started talking with a guy named Shane. I told Matthew that he and I were getting close, and he told me "Sam told me about him. He used to date a high school girl. Not sure if they’re still together". Which really grossed me out. Jane and Charles told me that Sam told them the same thing. I confronted Shane about it, and he said it wasn’t true. This whole thing was wild to me considering Shane and Sam are really close.
AJ invited me to another party recently. Charles overheard about the party and asked me how will I decline his invite this time. I told him I was going and that he probably shouldn’t believe everything Sam says, considering that AJ has never been anything but polite and nice to me. He had more bad things to say so I said he wasn’t even invited so he had no need to worry.
I went to the party. I had a fun time. I felt like I belonged more with their group than with the other group.
Now, Charles isn’t speaking to me. Sam heard about what happened and confronted me and said those things she said weren’t even to me and I should mind my own business. I said I never asked for her opinion, and others simply told me what she said. She said things she said were taken out of context. I said it’s all good, we can just stay out of each other’s ways and move on. I keep my distance cause it all feels too high school.
But now, their group is split. Some, like Charles, are siding with her. And others are now keeping their distance from her because she’s also talked shit like that to them or about them. But Sam and Charles blame me for "not minding my own business".
TL;DR: There was a friend group in the company I work for. I’m only friends with 3 of them. They told me a girl in their group named Sam said a bunch of horrible things about my acquaintances/friends to warn me, but it was all not true. I told my friend not to believe everything Sam says, and now he and Sam are mad at me. Their group is now split between supporting Sam and being tired of the shit she spreads.
AITA?
High school? It sounds more like junior high school.
Just ignore them. NTA I guess.
NTA but don’t be friends with coworkers.
“it all feels too high school.” Right that.
NTA. Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives.
NTA at all. This is classic gossip fallout. Sam was weaponizing rumors to control who people hang out with (targeting “new girls”? That’s sus AF), and your friends were happily relaying her “warnings” to you. When you called it out after seeing the truth for yourself, suddenly you’re the villain for not staying silent? Nah. You minded your business until it became your business.
NTA. Who got into whose business first? Oh that’s right, Charles and Matthew and Jane got into your business by repeating stuff Sam said. Maybe if they minded their own business instead of repeating Sam’s gossip, they wouldn’t have a problem.
How old are these people? They all sound about 13. I would keep your distance from all of them. Be professional, but stay away.
I’m ASD, and something of a hermit, but I will tell you some hard earned truth.
DON’T get overly involved in workmates as friends.
Keep things as casual acquaintances, at best. Because when shit blows up (and you’re all in your early 20s, so you’re basically barely more than teens, only legal to drink \[in the US\], so it WILL BLOW UP), and your career will end up depending on these people.
Go find friends in the town you live in based on things OTHER than where you work (together).
Get headphones and stay on them while you’re working. Minimize the socializing. No good can come from all the drama
NTA. If someone volunteers opinions, based on incorrect information, pointing out that your observations don’t bear that out, is appropriate.
That’s a gossipy group. Sam says something critical about a third party to Charles (gossip), and he passes that info on to you (more gossip). You determine that her criticism was unfounded based on your own first hand experience. When Charles assumes you’ll decline and asks you how you’ll do it (still more gossip). And when you tell him you are not declining because Sam’s informations seems untrustworthy to you, Charles turns around and tells Sam what you said (even more gossip.)
Charles obviously cannot be trusted to keep anything to himself. And Sam had no right to confront you, when you hadn’t confronted her to begin with. You WERE minding your own business. She’s the one who can’t keep her opinions to herself. You didn’t confront Sam. You weren’t sticking your nose into her business. You merely answered Charles’ question, by pointing out that Sam’s original criticism wasn’t an opinion you shared. You didn’t ask Charles to tell Sam. He did that on his own.
You’re all over the age of 12, right?
Which episode of Beverly Hills 90210 is this plot ripped from?
I like how Charles tried to prevent you from forming other relationships, but you made Sam into the ennemy.
ESH