I’ve been with my girlfriend for 5 years so I know her family quite well. She is really close to her cousin who has just turned 17. My girlfriend is 27 and I am 28. Her cousin has joined us on days out and meals etc in the past.
She’s always been quite quiet and isn’t like a lot of kids her age who enjoy drinking etc, she tends to keep to herself and just reads, watches movies and things like that.
We were out last weekend and the cousin asked if she could ask me some questions. I asked what about and she mentioned it was about boys and dating since she didn’t have anyone in the family near her age to ask.
I agreed and she just asked me about if all guys want to have sex quite sickly and if it’s normal for them not to want to wait etc. I just told her not to feel pressured into anything and if she’s not ready then don’t do anything. I said if the guy doesn’t listen then he doesn’t want her, he just wants sex.
I said if the guy is interested in her then he’ll have no problem waiting. She then asked about if it’s normal not to be ready yet etc and I just told her it was and that just because she’s legally allowed to do something, it doesn’t mean she has to do it and it’s best to wait until she knows she’s sure.
A couple of days later my gf gets a message from her cousins parents asking what I’d been talking about with their daughter. I explained to my gf what I’d said as her cousin asked my gf if she could talk to me privately.
Her cousins parents said it was completely inappropriate for me to be talking about sex with their daughter and I should be apologising. I told my gf I wasn’t going to apologise for giving good advice.
I said that they should be thanking me and they should be thankful she actually asked someone for advice instead of being pressured into doing something she doesn’t want to do. The parents are still insisting I was wrong and inappropriate for what I did.
AITA for refusing to apologise to my gfs family for giving advice?
NTA. It wasn’t unsolicited advice. She asked, and you gave her some really sound/mature judgement. They should be grateful that she has a safe space with someone who isn’t a creep.
You gave very appropriate advice for a 17 year old. I am really surprised that her parents are even complaining about it. I certainly don’t think that you owe anyone an apology. Honestly, I think that they are weird for even asking for one.
NTA.. her parents are. Its good she felt comfortable enough to actually ask someone instead of getting into a bad situation! You should feel happy she was comfortable enough to go to you especially because of her generally quiet demeanor. This advice could quite literally save her from a future assault. I wish i had someone older to guide me through things like this before it caught up to me as an assault. You did the right thing… dont apologize.
The only thing I would change is that you told your gf. What you should have done is doubled down on her right to autonomy by saying ‘then they should ask her’.
She’s 17…not 12. And it strikes me that her family’s response is part of the reason she asked you and not them.
Thank you for trying to help her feel that she’s allowed to make her own choices.
NTA, and I think we all just learned why she asked you rather than her paretns.
First off, she asked to speak to you privately and it is appropriate for you to keep that conversation private unless she agrees to you talking to others about it. I hope your GF did not tell her aunt or uncle what the conversation was about, becasue that was something the cousin spoke to you about in private, and you anad your GF should respect her privacy.
Secondly, it soundsas tough you gave her very sensible, appropriate advice.
Thirdly, you do not owe her paretns an apology for having a private conversation with someone. She is 17, not 7. Her parents should not be policiing her conversations.
So, NTA for not apologisng, but you and your GF are both AHs if you told her paretns what you discussed, without checjking in with her as to whetherthat was OK, first.
NTA. The girl asked and you gave her good advice and presented a reasonable point of view.
I’d be more curious as to how the parents found out.
Had you been born a woman they wouldn’t give a shit.
NTA
NTA – you didn’t cover any inappropriate questions, you didn’t give her a how-to guide. She needed advice from someone who wants her to do something a certain way (wait until she’s in her 40’s and married 😂). They’re probably upset that you didn’t tell her she absolutely shouldn’t be engaging in sex.
NTA. They act as if you were explaining what sex is in graphic detail. You answered a non invasive dating question with grace and good advice. You have nothing to apologize for.
What concerns me is who tf has she said no to that would prompt her parents to get upset? NTA btw great advice, obviously.
NTA
The parents are only upset that their daughter felt more comfortable coming to you than them. If you had initiated the conversation then, it would be different.
NTA. Maybe if these parents were better at parenting, their kid would feel comfortable asking them about sex.
NTA. You are a good egg in this world young man! She’s lucky to have you in her corner.
NTA You reassured her as a man that the right guy would wait and she should value her needs and boundaries. You absolutely did nothing wrong