Good evening. I’m (27F) currently "hiding" from our Dad. Please excuse the typos, I am crying while typing.
BG: My parents separated for almost 11 years. Not divorced, our country doesn’t allow it. It was messy, got our fair share of traumas from it. Lol. Which made explaing easy.
Mom had to leave to look for a job. She explained that she couldn’t provide the life our father could give us at that time. Both parents raised us to "Honor thy father and mother" a biblical commandment and still respec them.
Left with our dad and constantly hearing his side of the story made us resent our mom for about a year. As an adult, I repaired my relationship with Mom. I deeply regret the hurtful things I said to her.
Mom eventually found a supportive partner, who treated us like his own. While dad’s list of exes has always been problematic. We’re always expected to cater to them, drive them around, and impress their family.
His girlfriend of 5+ years now is "Pan", has a family he constantlycompares us to. Their "generosity", their Christmas traditions, and how close-knit their family is. Ignoring that we had holiday traditions too before the split. My eldest sister, who basically raised us, advised us to ignore it. Sincewe had to "survive" at a young age.
Last year, Pan gave birth. My brother pressured our Dad to come clean but he was "scared" that I’d get hysterical and tell our mom.
(Crazy, because it’s my brother who blackmailed/threatened him that he would tell our Mom, after a misunderstanding. Hah!)
When he confessed, I hugged him while he cried. Tellng him that if he was confident with how they raised us, he didn’t have to worry or scared of me hating him. I told him later on that I could’ve acted the same way to him the way I did to our mom, but I already learned my lesson.
My brother said that I shouldn’t feel bad towards my Dad as they are both adults who knew what they were doing.
Dec 2025, he asked me if I could take care of the baby. Pan’s whole family teased me. I just laughed.
My brother-in-law advised me not to get entangled with the "new" family. Regardless of any offered trip or money. Warning that it’ll sour my relationship with my mom again. Relatives I’vespoken to agreed, asking if I have any pride left. It’s already a secret but accepting the request feels like a total betrayal to my mother. Considering the accusations thrown at her in the past. Dad claims that by keeping his secret and obeying him, I am "honoring" him. It feels wrong.
Tomight, he insisted I cancel plans and go back home. When I told him I’m uncomfortable. He immediately scolded me. Now wasn’t the time for me to be "jealous" and they’ve planned it weeks ago. He said that "as a family" we should make sacrifices and set aside our feelings.That’s when I broke down.
My older sister intervened and took the phone. She told me I shouldn’t stress over it and let the woman worry over her own children.
AITA?
P.S. Thank you for your patience and taking the time to read.
INFO what do you mean “taking care” of the baby? Adopting? Being a live in nanny? Babysitting on weekends and getting paid for it? I would encourage you to tell him he as 48 hours to talk to your mother about the situation before you tell her, then follow through. Stay as far from this situation as you can, it sounds very very toxic. Loving someone, even a parent, doesn’t mean letting them walk all over you.
1. My parents may be separated, but my mom has always disliked my Dad’s partners as they tend to be only after his money and how they tend to treat us.
2. Pan’s family are going to an Asia Cruise Tour, maybe 2 weeks at most. No kids. Pan’s family is aware that my father doesn’t like Pan going on trips without him so he will be going with them.
They’re all asking me to watch over Pan’s daughter and her baby with our Dad while they’re away.
3. My parents has stopped talking to each other when they split. So informations from their respective partners often come from third parties… or sometimes from my Dad’s side of the family.
Respefully why is it your problem? They knew they booked a trip and that no kids were allowed to go. It sounds like he waited to the last minute to find someone to watch the kids and wants to make you do it.
Respect is earned not given. And if your father respected you he would have asked you before making plans. He would Respect your answer of no. He wouldn’t put you in a position where you feel uncomfortable.
What he is doing is making demands and trying to guilt trip you.
Don’t let him.
Wait – a mother is going on holiday for two weeks, and ditching her kids for that whole time, one of whom is a baby?
*What the actual fuck?*
Tell them all to get fucked. You don’t get to dip out of parenthood to go on holiday.
Your mother has a partner, would she even care? Aa for babysitting, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. But using your mother as a reason may not be particularly valid.
He’s not asking “ us” to make sacrifices. Just you.
What is the issue here? Do you want to babysit or not? If yes, then do it. No then tell them no.
If they didn’t have someone confirmed to watch an infant, seems like it wasn’t really planned “weeks ago”
NTA it’s their kid, they need to raise it. Lack of preparation on their part, does not constitute an emergency on your part.
What is this Babysitting or moving back home that he wants you to do? You are 27 years old. Start saying No to things you dont want to do….
Nta I would tell them to take care of what they started and I would be open with everyone about how I felt
Sounds like your father isn’t that great of a man. For your sanity listen to your sister and do not let this man control you any more.
Your brother in law is correct. And your brother is correct. This woman has other relatives. Getting you committed will never end
You are 27? Really? You sound like 17. You lack a backbone girl. YTA to yourself and your mom