I (19F) met this guy (21M) on the beach last May. For privacy purposes, I will be using fake names. I’ll be calling him Bob
Bob and His friend (we’ll call him Kevin) came up to me and my best friend (20F) at the time, Lexi, and the two hit on both of us that evening. Kevin told us that he was betrothed to someone from his home country
We spent the rest of the night with them. Bob and I really hit it off, and I really liked him. We had deep conversations on the beach, and I went back to the car with Lexi, very excited about what could happen between us. When we got to the car, I told Lexi that I liked Bob, and Lexi started crying, and then she told me that Kevin and Her made out and he made some unappreciative advances towards her. Kevin was very misogynistic and was overall very creepy, so Lexi then blocked both Kevin and Bob, and I, out of solidarity for my best friend, also blocked them both.
Fast forward a few months to november Lexi and I had a falling out. She became a lot more religious and said that she needed to distance herself from me because I am the type to enjoy a party and alcohol (though I do not go out very often anyway). From then on, Lexi has not reached out nor did she invite me to her birthday two weeks later. So I’m assuming we’re not friends anymore?
Ever since May, I have been thinking about Bob now and again. One of my friends recently followed him on Instagram and through that, I found out that they had hooked up on Halloween of last year, and it sent meintoo a spiral, and I cried for 2 hours. I told the friend who had hooked up with Bob this whole story, and she told me that she was surprised becauseBobb was very sweet and respectful through everything. She told me she was turned off by him having a friend like Kevin.
So now one of my close friends, Julia, told me that she was sick of hearing me talk about a man that I met once and said that I should just get him out of my system at this point. So my question is, would I be the asshole if I reached out and did what Julia is telling me to do?
Are you asking if you’d be an AH to Lexi or to your friend that hooked up with him?
I mean overall you do sound like the AH for obsessing over a guy that you met once and has creepy friends. Can you say you even really know him?
I wouldn’t really be too keen on someone that has a friend like Kevin. I’d first see if he still talks to him or is aware of his behavior. If so then run because no matter how charming he is, that’s not a good person.
You don’t owe Lexi anything at this point
Idk how close you and the other girl are or if she is still trying to pursue him. If so then YWBTA.
NTA- girl, you need to start thinking for yourself. Also, stop pining over a fantasy. If you want to get in touch and get to know him- do it. Don’t let your friends’ opinions determine that for you.
That was also my instinct. No one was in a relationship and months have passed.. If she’s interested, I don’t see the harm in pursuing this.
YWBTA if you don’t “ask” your friend who hooked up with Bob last year. I don’t know why you didn’t name her, since she’s the only friend that matters in the whole thing. Julia and Lexi have nothing to do with it.
That’s 2 strikes for Kevin. And if Bob is still hanging with him then I assume he’s just better at hiding his real movies than Kev.
Stay away from both.
You could see Bob. Bur you gotta wonder about him if hes friends with a guy that’s a creeper. Hes so bad, two of your friends lost respect for Bob.
You will eventually lose respect for Bob too when Kevin sprouts misogynistic BS and Bob allows it.