My (former) colleague recently moved to a new city in a different country (about an hour flight away). I can’t say we were friends, but we’ve always been friendly. Recently she heard on the grapevine that I’m going to her city for a brief work trip in about 2 weeks and reached out to ask if I can bring her a small package – a small item from a clothing brand that’s more expensive where she lives now. Sure, I don’t mind. I gave her my address and asked her to please order it to my home and I’ll bring it to her.
A few days later she writes back and says that she ordered it to her friend’s address because it was somehow slightly cheaper, and gave me the friend’s number to “coordinate with her to pick it up”. When I reached out to the friend, I quickly learned that she lives over an hour away from me and had a baby about 10 days ago, so basically I’d have to drive to her and back to get the package, which would add up to over two hours of my time.
I wrote back to my colleague and said I’m sorry, but I can’t do it. I explained that work has been very busy requiring me to put in overtime, and my husband and I just moved into a new place we bought a few days ago, with all the stresses that add up to moving and being new homeowners. On top of this, my dad is in the hospital receiving cancer treatment, and I spend all the time I can find outside of work there with him. None of this is the fault of my colleague because she didn’t know any of this is going on (we’re not close at all), but I also didn’t sign up to run around the city picking up packages and I just don’t have the capacity to coordinate this right now. I politely asked her friend to mail it to me.
My colleague got upset and made a passive aggressive comment like “you westerners are so selfish, I miss my friends from home” (she’s Persian if it matters). I said I’m happy to do favours but I didn’t sign up for this and right now my family is my priority, I don’t have the strength for anything outside of that.
AITA?
Huge NTA. You were already doing a huge favor, and then she made it wildly more inconvenient. Screw that.
NTA.
She doesn’t want to pay in extra shipping but expects you to drive an hour away back and forth to get her items?
NTA. You were doing her a favor and she kept making it harder on you without even checking just to save herself some money.
I mean at this point, no more favors. You could also respond and tell her she’s so selfish, to save maybe a couple of dollars, she wants you to drive 2 hours round trip to pick it up. If that’s not selfish, I’m not sure what is. I mean, even if you had the time, the only way I’d do it is if she paid my time and gas, and that for certain would be more than whatever she saved to ship this item to her friend’s home.
NTA. When you ask for a favor, you make it as uncomplicated as possible for your friends not cheap out and have multiple people jump through hoops. Asking an acquaintance to coordinate with a new mom an hour away? I have a feeling the package wasn’t going to be a small thing you could slip into a carryon.
NTA. She should have just sent it to your house for the extra $5. It’s not your responsibility to run all over the place to get her package. Plus, you’d probably spend more than she saved driving two hours to get it.
NTA. You’d still be NTA even if you had nothing going on with your life and wanted to sit in front of the tv rather than drive 2 hours out of your way. That’s a huge imposition and she should’ve just sent the item to your house. You’re not her personal errand service.
NTA – If she wants you to do her a favour, she needs to do is as simple as possible for you. Expecting you to send 2+ hours in the car, plus paying for gas so that she can save a bit is an AH move.
(Also, if the package was sent to her friend, how do you know she added some forbidden item and expected you to pass it through the border?)
NTA. Also I would stress that you should never take a sealed package on a flight that you don’t know the origins of. This is a hard no.
Good point. OP doesn’t actually know what’s in the package, and the “friend” is being extremely manipulative and suspicious with the behavior
“Expecting me to make a two hour round trip to retrieve a package you chose to send elsewhere is selfish. Please coordinate with the person you sent it to.” NTA
NTA – you were willing to do it if she had it sent to your home and she didn’t do that. As others pointed out, don’t take a sealed, unknown package on planes and/or across borders
General rule: Never carry anything that you didn’t pack, on behalf of someone else. Even people you think you can trust.
Never go through customs with a “gift” from someone else.