While the title is pretty self-explanatory, there is a bit more to the story. We live in a shared space- No separate bedrooms, minimal privacy, shared fridge and bathroom, etc.
I moved in about 5~ish months ago. It’s income-based housing, so rent isn’t very high as we both work minimum wage. He covers the rent, and I cover the internet bill, since both are about the same. When it comes to cleanliness, I tend to keep all of my things in one place and organized, as it bugs me if I can’t find things. He, on the other hand, will come home after buying something and just throw things wherever. When it comes to dishes, when I use something, I wash it when I’m done. My roommate, on the other hand, just lets the stuff he uses pile up until he gets sick of looking at it and then pressures me to do them.
This morning he completely lost his mind over the dishes and all of his stuff laying everywhere and said he’s sick of having to clean up all on his own, that I’m lazy, etc. I told him that I’m not his maid and that he’s a grown adult who needs to learn to take care of himself, and not try to pin his responsibilities on other people because he doesn’t feel like doing them. He told me to pack my things and stormed out (I won’t be packing as he doesn’t have the authority to kick me out, my name is on the lease and only property management can evict me if I’ve done sometbing to violate the lease.)
I did kinda go off on him when I confronted him about his behavior, so I wanted to make sure I wasn’t too out of line. AITA?
NTA but it’s going to be a looooong year. Any chance you can swap roommates?
Already on a waitlist for when an apartment opens up. Funniest part of this whole thing too is that it was his idea for me to move in, I’m starting to wonder if his plan wasn’t just to have me do all his cleaning for him.
NTA – just look at him and say, “I clean up my stuff and put my stuff away, you can do the same, and neither of us should have to clean up after the other.”
This was exactly what I was coming in to say.
I would probably also add in “If you expect me to also clean up **your** mess, your items will be considered trash and I will dispose of it as such…so pick your battles wisely, roomie.”
I’ve had this discussion with him a handful of times already. Last time I told him that unless he’s paying me I’m not cleaning up his mess because I’m not his mother, nor am I a maid. He didn’t take it very well 😅
So you keep your stuff, neat organized and you clean up after yourself.
But Your roommate is not as orderly and is upset you refuse to clean up their mess. Lol.
When the roommate says they are sick of doing all the cleaning themselves, point out that your do allot of cleaning constantly and always clean up after yourself that why you don’t have a huge mess of your stuff.
If the roommate doesn’t belive you, ask them when the last time they had to clean up a mess that you made.
Then point out that’s because your clean up after yourself right away so it doent get bad.
In a side note clearly your living together isn’t working out as planned. Make sure your inform the LL 65 days before the lease is up, in writing, that you will not be renewing the lease and will be moving out at the end of the lease.
Make plans to find other housing when your lease is over.
I’ve actually already discussed moving to a different apartment with the Director here, he says there’s a wait list but he’ll give me a heads up when something is freed up.
As it stands this is my best option as I don’t have a car and the complex is close enough to where I work that even in shitty weather I can just walk there.
“ I noticed you don’t like a mess but what you don’t notice is that I clean up after myself and the only mess is your mess. Maybe your mommy cleaned up after you at home but here you have to clean up after yourself.. let’s make a rule that no dishes to be left overnight. Preferably you’d wash them right after you make a meal, but we have to have a clean sink each night.”
NTA. It is unreasonable to expect you to clean up his mess. You are not the maid. He needs to clean up his own mess. You absolutely need a different roommate though.
Wait, your roommate got mad at *you* for something that *he* did? I get cleaning together if both of you hosted a party but other no. NTA
This is what I don’t get. I could understand if I was making messes and just leaving them around, but I clean up after myself. Fully convinced he was spoiled growing up at this point :/
NTA
He sounds like a bit of a child, someone who had his mom clean up after him routinely and now he’s bewildered with all the ‘mess’ that doesn’t just go away on it’s own, lol.
“Look, it wasn’t cool that you got mad at me for the messes that YOU’VE been leaving and not cleaning up. I get that it’s frustrating to have things be messy but I want you to look around next time and realize that it’s ALL YOUR STUFF. I’d kindly ask you to not lose your sh!t on me unless and until it truly is my mess you’re mad about.
NTA. “This mess is all your shit!”