My (23F) best friend has a friend group from high school. Most of them live abroad and only come back a few times a year. I(24F) like them a lot. They, as a group, have only one issue – they tend to be unreliable with plans (back out last minute, often disregard scheduling responsibilities). They have a tradition of celebrating New year’s eve together every year. Last year my friend hosted it,since the group failed to book a spot, and she was very upset that it was just me and her doing all the work of hosting, cooking, and cleaning.
This year, after a plethora of plans fell through & my friend said she was sick of trying to schedule everything, I offered that the two of us, together with my mom, go to a small villa in the mountains (booked via my mom’s job so it’s a bit of an ordeal).This was three months ago. My friend happily agreed.
A month after that, she told me that the group had decided to go celebrate at the same village where the villa was located. I was happy and offered that we hang out for the days when they were there, and that we all go skiing. At this point we hadn’t booked the villa and I assured my friend that if she felt like backing out and celebrating with the friend group instead, I wouldn’t be upset (I wouldn’t be able to join them because I wouldn’t leave my mom all alone and she explicitly said she doesn’t want to go sit in a restaurant all night). Friend said she would be spending the holiday with us. A few weeks later my mom proposed that we invite my friend’s mom and sister as well, to which she agreed and my mom paid for the villa.
Recently my friend texted me saying, and I quote "I have decided to spend new years eve (only the celebration) ‘with my friends’. I asked my mom and she said it was okay with her". I was shocked. I asked her where she was planning to have her mom and sister go, and she said they’d be staying with us. I like them but my mom and them aren’t friends.
I explained to my friend that I was unhappy with the situation, and that I felt as if she traded me in. She assured me that that’s not the case, since we’d be spending the rest of the days together. I feel that really she’d be spending the rest of the time with the highschool friendgroup (she told me that SHE invited them to come to the village) and I’d be joining them along, although I’m the one hosting her. I explained that & she answered that "she would feel so miserable knowing that they’d be in the same city and she won’t be celebrating with them". She said she "agreed to invite her mom and sister so that me and mom aren’t lonely" (wild).
I decided to call off our plans so she could go and celebrate with the friendgroup all together and she seemed happy with that outcome. She apologized that "she didn’t realize she would be so sad about it sooner" but conveyed I’m inflexible for not agreeing to leave my mom with her mom and sister and go with her. Now she won’t so much as look at me. We’ve not spoken since. AITA?
NTA. Time for new friends.
There really isn’t much more to say. This is really manipulative and strange of her, and immature to boot. It’s wildly inappropriate for her to hand off her mom and sister to keep you guys company, anyone with two brain cells would see why that is super rude and ungracious towards you and your mom as hosts. I really hope you’ve called the whole thing off, you aren’t on the hook to host members of her family when she herself is ditching you to go hang out with the other flakes (meaning, flaky planners).
I probably only have one brain cell left, and even I saw this. Horrifically rude, and entitled behavior.
NTA. Why would she think you’d want to spend NYE with her mom and sister without her? That’s weird. Your mom would be stuck hosting strangers while friend parties without you with the people she was avoiding in the first place. She’s not much of a friend tbh.
I’m sure ‘friend’ would have been fine with OP joining the friend group in the village and abandoning the moms entirely. Friend has no concept of other peoples’ feelings.
NTA but your friend sure is for using you and being dishonest about her intentions. “I’d feel so bad knowing my friends are there and I’m not celebrating with them” but she feels ok having you bring her out there, giving her a place to stay, dumping her family with you and not celebrating with you, the person doing an incredibly kind gesture for her… You gave her the opportunity to back out and do what she wanted and waited this long to make a decision. I personally wouldn’t even try to convince her to stay because I know she’d make the night miserable but I’d be wary about making future plans with her like this.
Edit: wanted to add that her comment about feeling bad is telling of her character. She doesn’t feel bad for inviting her friends to the area and not hanging out with them, if that were the case she’d feel bad for having you come out there and ditching you, she’s feeling bad because she’d have FOMO. She sounds very self centered and that alone would make me question the friendship and start to distance myself from her.
NTA— it seems like you became the backup plan when her flaky friends ended up being available. It sucks but your ability to plan will serve you better than this friendship.
It’s going to be funny when her flaky friends leave her alone on NYE while op is content in a lovely villa.
What a clueless and selfish egotist. She is no friend. Cancelling plans was the only thing you could have done given these circumstances.
NTA, she can’t really blame her friends for being unorganized, she’s as bad as they are lol
NTA. You are correct when you said your friend traded you in. Time to make the trade permanent. Sorry she’s being so unkind to you.
NTA. The high school friends aren’t the only flakes in this story. Your bestie is a flake.
> She said she “agreed to invite her mom and sister so that me and mom aren’t lonely” (wild).
> She apologized that “she didn’t realize she would be so sad about it sooner” but conveyed I’m inflexible for not agreeing to leave my mom with her mom and sister and go with her.
I know I’m not hanging out with you anymore and that was pretty much the point of this trip, but I got you 2 babysitters! If you didn’t want to hangout with the babysitters you could just come with me and abandon your mom instead, even though you said upfront that you wouldn’t do that either. Why are you mad?
NTA but you you’re trying to plan and organize stuff when you know notoriously flakey people are involved who love to be spontaneous and it’s the most wild day of the year. You should’ve seen SOMETHING like this was going to happen. It was a recipe for trouble.
Did she pay anything for the villa or was this your mom’s treat? Because my first reaction is she tricked you into paying for her and her family’s vacation and invited the friends behind your back to blow you off when it was too late for you to cancel.
I really really hope you canceled her and her family’s reservation if your mom paid for them, if they paid for themselves then that’s fine but that is still a shit friend.