I (25F) work as a case coordinator at a community clinic. It’s a demanding job, and our small team is constantly stretched thin. One of my coworkers, Lena (29F), has been going through a rough time. She lost a parent earlier this year, and her workload has understandably been harder for her to manage.
At first, I volunteered to pick up some of her cases whenever she needed a breather. It wasn’t officially assigned to me I just didn’t want her to drown. But over the past few months, those breaks have changed from occasional moments to daily disappearances.
Some days she’ll step outside for a reset, and I won’t see her again for an hour. Other times she’ll ask me to update her case files because she can’t focus today, I get it. I really do. But I’ve become the default person picking up the pieces, and my own workload has gotten out of control.
Last week, I had three emergency cases come in back-to-back. At the same time, Lena messaged me asking if I could just handle two of her follow-ups because she needed a walk. I told her gently that I couldn’t I was already drowning. She responded with, Okay, but I thought you understood what I’m going through. I felt awful, but I didn’t take on her cases.
Later that day, my supervisor called me into her office. She’d gotten feedback that I was less supportive lately and asked if everything was alright between me and Lena. I told her I cared about Lena and wanted her to get whatever help she needed, but I couldn’t keep taking her work on top of mine.
My supervisor gave me a look that basically meant We all need to be team players. I didn’t argue, but I went home feeling like I’d betrayed someone who trusted me.
Yesterday Lena barely spoke to me. I tried to check in, but she brushed me off. One of our other coworkers quietly told me Lena had said I didn’t care about her mental health.
That honestly broke me a little. I’ve been trying so hard to be supportive without losing myself in the process, but now I feel like the villain in the story.
I’m torn between wanting to be kind and realizing I’m being taken advantage of even if not deliberately. I don’t want to resent her, and I don’t want her to sink, but I’m close to burning out myself.
NTA- I say this as someone who took a month off of work earlier this year due to burn-out: if she can’t cope with the job she needs to either take medical level, or find a less emotionally demanding job.
She doesn’t have the right to make you do her job for her, in addition to your own, and your supervisor is completely wrong to expect that of you. Is your job unionized? If so I’d bring this up with your union rep.
Does she take some of your workload when you’re struggling? No? Then it’s not a very good team is it.
If this lady can’t get through her day without your long mental health walks and can’t do her own work, she needs to go off sick.
You’re not the problem here and you shouldn’t let your boss imply that you are.
NTA. Time for you to start telling people that doing the work of 2 people has been terrible for your mental health and you can’t believe someone would be so insensitive as to keep giving you more of their work to do.
NTA
You need to go back to that manager and explain how many hours of work you did for Lena as a team player. That you helped her where you could, but you can’t anymore. And at no time did you say rude things to her. Lena needs to apologize, make it right, and thank you for helping her.
You need to write a follow-up email to HR too.
They are taking advantage of you.
I’d even make it straight with the coworkers:
“Hello, it has come to my attention that someone thinks I am not being a team player or not caring about mental health. That is blatantly a lie. I have taken on extra work during the last X months. However, I no longer have the time with an influx of emergency cases. If you would like to sign up to help her, please let -manager- know.”
But it sounds like you may need to find someplace else. This place is not great with supporting you.
thank you this really made me feel better, i will compose the email to the HR and see what he has to say
Try laying it out quantitatively:
Here is my normal workload. Each case requires between a and b hours.
Here is the additional work I have taken on over the last x weeks. This equates to y additional hours of work I have done on top of my normal work load.
On ‘date of incident’ I had these three cases to deal with, all marked urgent/crisis/what have you. In order to do what was asked of me (lay that out) I would have had to disregard (however many) of my current cases, and deprioritize crisis cases for routine work for someone else. I understood that policy was to handle crisis cases first, and to complete my own work before covering routine work for someone else, who is available to do so but is apparently unable. In the future, how would you like me to handle this?
I guarantee no one is going to put the instructions ‘disregard a crisis that has been assigned to you for routine work for somebody else who needs a break’ in writing.
If “we” need to step up and be team players, how much of her work is the rest of the team taking on?
NTA
Your manager is failing you. It’s their responsibility to assign and control the workload, if Lena is going directly to you either she is bypassing her manager or directly taking unauthorized breaks.
I don’t deny she needs to reset, take a break or whatever is necessary to her mental health, but this cannot be your responsibility. Your manager is the one who **must** oversee that the work is being done as per regulations and they must control that every member of the team is working without unduly pressure.
*Teamwork* means that every member of the team benefits equally and everyone supports each other and is the team’s leader duty to ensure that.
I think you need to start telling them YOU need a break, that doing your job and her job has been overwhelming. I would even have a doctor write me off for it for a bit. It is 100% unfair for them to do this to you. Because ALL of us, everyone has things they are going through in life and we all have traumas and things we deal with. It is called life.
NTA.
Make a list of ALL the things you’ve done for Lena. Make it clear you’ve done your part.
At this point Lena should be doesn’t MORE of her work, not less. Its been long enough for that, or for her to be told to take time off and replaced with someone who can do their work.
Talk to your boss again, and possibly HR if the boss doesn’t care still. This is not okay. You already have you own heavy workload, you do not need hers. And you really dont need her making it a hostile work environment by complaining to coworkers or the boss about is constantly.
NTA, your boss is a major AH though. The correct response should have been to tell you to focus on your work and your boss would take care of helping Lena. It isn’t your job to manage Lena or her workload, that’s what your boss is paid to do. Focus on doing your work and your mental health, let your boss do her job.
NTA
This is now a problem for management to solve, by hiring a replacement, not by piling on you. You were too helpful, and now people are simply expecting you to continue so they don’t have to bother. Ironically, you became the problem.
Since everyone in your office is so hot on giving feedback, it’s time to write your own feedback report, detailing the excessive workload and the negative atmosphere. Request a review of expectations from a higher level than your unhelpful supervisor and work to rule. Time’s up for the ungrateful Lena: she needs to cope or take leave.
Please let this be a lesson in boundaries: you need them in your field.
NTA. Do you know what exactly she’s been telling your supervisor? Because it sounds skewed. Consider going back to your supervisor and asking for support:
“I have been helping Lena for x months knowing she’s going through a rough time. At first, it was manageable and I wanted to be there for support. But over the past 3 months Lena’s needs have increased and I have taken on x cases from her and covered her tasks when she’s taken breaks ranging from 30 to 60 minutes. I am feeling overwhelmed with this additional workload. It isn’t sustainable and I worry about my own stress and potential burnout. I am worried about not meeting my own clients’ needs.”
Adapt as needed and give your supervisor concrete numbers. Have the conversation in person and regardless of how it goes, do a summary email reiterating your concerns. Escalate it above your boss if she doesn’t listen to you. You have been setting yourself on fire for someone and you need to stop.
Your boss is TA
If your boss knows an employee can’t handle their workload, they ASSIGN it or they get someone in to help. You don’t overburden already hard working employees.
Sounds like she is milking it, but that again is on the boss for allowing this narrative to continue THEN putting it on the employee who is covering.
NTA