I in my early 30s, have a close friend, Daniel, who I’ve known for a long time. We’ve always had a pretty solid friendship, and I generally see them as a good person, even if they can be impulsive at times.
Recently, Daniel asked me for a favor that made me uncomfortable. They were in a situation with another friends and had already told them a story that wasn’t entirely true. After the fact, Daniel told me what they’d said and asked me to back it up if I was asked, because my name had been casually mentioned as part of the explanation.
This caught me off guard. I hadn’t agreed to be part of anything, and I don’t like lying for people especially when I don’t fully know the consequences. I told Daniel that I wasn’t comfortable being involved and that I wouldn’t confirm something that wasn’t true. I also suggested they clear it up themselves instead of pulling me into it.
Daniel got upset and said I was being unsupportive and overly rigid. They argued that it was a harmless lie, that it wouldn’t affect me at all, and that friends are supposed to have each other’s backs. From their perspective, my refusal felt like betrayal, especially since I didn’t immediately shut it down but took a day to think about it before saying no.
Now things are tense, I haven’t confronted the other person, but I’ve made it clear to Daniel that I won’t lie if asked. Daniel says my stance has made the situation worse and that I could have saved them a lot of stress by just going along with it. Now a couple of mutual friends think I should’ve just helped once and then talked to Daniel privately later.
I don’t think I did anything wrong by setting a boundary, but I also understand that Daniel feels abandoned in a stressful moment.
AITA for refusing to cover for my friend when they involved me in a lie without my consent?
NTA. David could have saved you a lot of stress by not dragging you into a lie.
Thank you for your comment, he knew i don’t like to lie because it could affect my career
NTA. I believe you did the right thing here since you didn’t agree to the lie, now here is the tricky bit is that what lie it is makes a bit of a difference. If it would have consequences or not, I’m gonna assume here that it has consequences so you did ehat I would do really, despite your loyality to your friend, you need to prioritise your boundaries because a lie now might means many more in the future and then it’s hard to refuse and say no I don’t want to lie anymore for you. You can have an honest talk with your friend and explain your point again, maybe they will rethink about their reaction.
Thank you, i really dislike lying because from one lie you would need more lies to cover it up and it might affect me negatively
INFO – if its not too intrusive, what was the lie?
Obviously don’t feel like you have to go into massive amounts of details, but maybe just a bit more of an overview might help.
Also how likely is it that the person will actually ask you about Daniel’s lie?
NTA. Betrayal is putting you in a situation where you are expected to lie.
NTA You set a boundry. Daniel shouldn’t have put you in this position. Being a good friend doesn’t mean you have to blindly go along with someone’s behaviour. It sounds like Daniel has done something they shouldn’t have done or why would they need you to lie for them.
NTA. Friends don’t do that. At least, mine doesn’t. We do not tolerate or condone each other in any kind of wrong doings, no matter how harmless because there is always that possibility, a little lie could blow over.
NTA
“I don’t remember that, must have been someone else”
Would I lie for a mate? Sure but it’s a lie I’d have to agree to. You can’t just drop my name and expect it to be all good. That’s an asshole move.
NTA. My mom lied to my cousin about why I wasn’t at a family gathering. I guess I didn’t feel like going. Next time she saw me, she asked how my weekend was away with my friends. I had no idea what she was talking about, and it was pretty awkward. I feel like her and I knew my mom lied but I didn’t know was to say but “good.” Like there was so point in the lie. She should have just said she won’t make it this weekend or keep it generic.
Go to that person and say Daniel made me say blah blah blah.
Wait, you dont wanna do that? NTA
I only lie when I speak .