Am I the asshole for saying no to help my cousin. My cousin is currently working on her immigration paperwork, a process I already went through myself. A process that took me years to complete with very little help. I had to figure most of it out on my own through research and with the support of my mom. When she asked for my help, I didn’t hesitate. I shared everything I knew and gave her a detailed list of things she needed to do before submitting her paperwork. Even after that, she continued to feel confused and asked for more help. When she asked if she could pay me to complete it for her, I had to say no. Between being in college and supporting my husband through a difficult time, I simply don’t have the ability to give this process the full focus it deserves, especially since it needs to be done urgently, so I told her my mom could help her since she knows what to do now and she could use the money but she also got mad at that. What hurt the most was that she became angry with me and said that because I’m not working, I should be able to do it, that made me feel dismissed and unappreciated, especially after everything I had already done to help and now she is saying I’m being petty for being mad and not wanting to talk to her. Was I wrong for refusing?
mmm this is a tough one for sure I’d say yes and no
Why yes if you don’t mind me asking?
You’re NTA.
Accepting money to complete immigration forms is the unlicensed practice of law. Either a law student, attorney or the petitioner or beneficiary are the only ones allowed to do this.
NTA for sure. You DID help her, you already gave her a detailed list of all the stuff she needs to do. I would recommend answering her questions when she has them (as long as they don’t come all day, every day), but you are under absolutely no obligation to do her paperwork for her.
Keep your boundaries. If you really want to keep your side of the street clean, sit her down and explain what those boundaries are. You don’t even need to explain why you are denying her request for you doing all the work, just say you are happy to answer questions if she has them (to an extent), but you have your own life to live, and you’ve already gone through this process once and you don’t have interest in doing it again.
Thank you I think that’s what I’m going to do next now since I really want her to understand, but thank you so much for your help!!
>she continued to feel confused and ask for more help
Sounds like chosen helplessness.
If sincere, she could have done her best to collect the documents you listed and begin compiling a binder and timeline, then asked you for input and next steps.
NTA.
This is an eye opener for sure, no matter how much I help I feel like she always expects me to say yes and I think she has done that her whole life so thank you for your response!!
NTA – she can use chat gpt its quite helpful with these types of forms.