Throwaway account.
My bf M21 and I M20 were driving home after dropping off my little sister when a person walked/ran across the street. Something I think is worth mentioning is that my bf has extreme road rage, so naturally, he was pissed. Thus began his rant that the person was stupid and had jaywalked. I noticed that where the person had crossed had very clear divots on both sides of the sidewalk, so I defended them saying that they didn’t do wrong and they had crossed on the crosswalk so what was the problem?
But to my bf, that spot didn’t count as a crosswalk bc there weren’t markings on the road. I pointed out that many if not most of the crosswalks in our area don’t have markings on the road, and he started getting more pissed saying that "those weren’t real crosswalks".
Obviously, I don’t agree, but I was ready to let go of the argument and just wanted to agree to disagree. He absolutely did not let it go, and was insisting that I thought he was lying for disagreeing. In his mind, me disagreeing with him means that I think he is not telling the truth and therefore lying.
Huhhhh? I’m ngl I laughed at him for saying that, bc what? How does one jump thru loops to think that?
I told him that just bc I disagree with him it doesn’t mean I think he’s lying, it means I think he’s wrong, and those are two completely different things. I also went on to say that I wanted to drop the argument bc I wasn’t going to change my mind. We have different opinions on what a crosswalk is, and that’s ok. It doesn’t need to become a full blown argument. He was taking it way too personally in my opinion. I would rather be happy than right so I didn’t even want to argue for my own side. I told him that I love him and that I hate arguing and just wanted to move on but he was not. Letting. It. Go. And kept trying to restart it. I refused and the rest of the car ride was silent.
So Reddit, am I the asshole?
NTA. It’s pretty concerning that on top of irrational rage issues, your BF takes disagreement as an attack on his character, by equating it to calling him a liar. There are differences in points of view, in opinion, in perspectives, in values, and he’s making it clear that anything that departs from his versions of those are not only wrong but inappropriate and offensive.
You handled it great, you didn’t acquiesce but you tried to diffuse. This whole situation has hopefully shown you a lot about what you can expect in conflicts with him moving forward. Hint: you deserve better.
OP needs to dump this loon. He’s intellectually dishonest and he will use it to twist everything you do into a problem.
He sounds delightful.
Your boyfriend didn’t want a discussion; he wanted obedience.
You disagreed with him on a basic fact, and instead of shrugging it off, he escalated, personalized it, and insisted your disagreement equals calling him a liar. That’s not normal conflict—it’s insecure, controlling behavior.
If someone can’t handle “I see it differently,” how are they going to handle the real disagreements that come with adult relationships?
The crosswalk isn’t the issue.
His need to be right at all costs is.