My girlfriend has been struggling financially to the point where her account has gone negative. She’s asked me for help multiple times in the past with smaller things like gas, food, etc., and I’ve helped because I care about her.
Recently, I bought her a ticket to a concert she really wanted to go to. After that, she decided on her own to buy tickets for a second day, plus plane tickets to another island, and tickets for her kids to go as well. She put some of it on payment plans.
The issue is she’s still telling me she’s broke and struggling, but at the same time she’s making these extra, non-essential purchases.
I told her I don’t think it makes sense to spend money on trips and concerts when you’re already in the negative, and that I’m not comfortable continuing to help financially if that’s happening.
She said she can’t cancel because her kids are excited, and that it’s “already a thing now.” She also got really upset during the conversation and said she feels like a burden and that I don’t like her.
On top of that, she compared herself to my family and said she should come before my mom and sister, and got upset that I’m willing to help family sometimes but not her in this situation.
Edit: this started because yesterday she needed new tires they were really bad and she said “if you cared about me you would pay for them” after that I was kind of off out because it was over 700 dollars. She ended up taking out a loan kinda thing where they take some out of your check. Her tires were really bad. I think part of it upsets me because she hasn’t had the father of her kids on child support or anything and I’m starting to feel like the fallback guy. One last bit of context. When she originally planned the trip it was for 3 days this was months ago. I said hey you should make it a week just for herself because she had family to watch her kids. Well she ended up losing her job for a month and to me I thought that would signal maybe change the plans. I’ve told her multiple times that I am trying to save money and she’ll say “you have a a lot of money so you can afford it”. I have a mortgage im paying half in another state, rent here and car payments. I do make good money but it’s not unlimited and I am trying hard to save so I can retire early.
NTA! Your gf needs to grow up.
Nta she has serious issues with money-and responsibilities
Run.
NTA.
It sounds like she’s moved beyond asking for occasional help to taking you so for granted that she thinks she can live FAR outside her means and get you to foot the bill for necessities. It’s one thing to ask for help because you’re struggling, it’s another to create your own struggle and EXPECT someone to bail you out.
NTA. You are not a bank. Your gf should not be treating you as one. The reason you are uncomfortable is because you are aware that she is treating you like a Sugar Daddy.
She is not family; your sister and your mother are family. Her tears and recriminations are just her way of guilting you into continuing to fund her bad decisions.
Your gf is struggling because of the decisions she made. She needs to dig her way out. If you keep bailing her out, you will always be her piggy bank.
Red flags are waving! She is financially irresponsible, depends on you to bridge her financial struggles and then tries to guilt trip you when you won’t. No thanks.
run
She’s your gf, not your wife, she’s not family yet. She’s giving you a sneak preview of life with her as family, so now you get to decide if that’s the future you want or not.
Run.
NTA that’s a glimpse into the future if you continue with her. She has children, and can’t afford food and bills, and thought splurging on a trip and concert was a good idea?
I don’t know how long you’ve been with her, but I’d be seeing red flags all over this.
“It’s a thing now” because she made it a thing. She’s not mature enough to have children.
If you stay with her, this will always be your life. You’ll always be her ATM, and I can pretty much guarantee that if a rich dude gives her attention, she’ll fuck you over just like that.
YTA for not realize she is USING YOU. Open your eyes. NTA for refusing her.
You’re just a walking ATM to her. You say you’re helping before with gas and food but you’re not. The money she should be spending on that she’s spent on drugs concerts whatever and you’re essentially paying for that she just frames it like it’s for food.
NTA
She’s financially irresponsible and treating you like her bank.