My (42f) partners (42m) family went on some big trips over the Christmas holidays. His sister went all around Europe with her new fiancé and his parents and another sister went on a two week cruise around the Caribbean.
Before they left I hosted them at my house for a lot of dinners and outings.
Then when they returned we all met at the sisters house that went to Europe. Their holidays pretty much started and ended around the same time. So we went there for breakfast and they start pulling out gifts for everyone. My partner and I have an 18 year old son, they put some things on the table and say it’s for him, then gifts for me partner and then gifts for everyone else. And not one thing for me from anyone. It hurt but whatever. My MIL then made a comment saying “Next time you visit I’ll get you something” because she must have noticed I was empty handed. I just ignored her and we left soon after
Now I’m going to China next week with my dad and I made a joke to my partner how I will saving money by not be getting his family any souvenirs and he said I was being petty. I refused to give in and he said I should just get them something because they probably didn’t even notice that they left me out. But honestly I want to invite them over just to show them the cool souvenirs I got for my family only.
AITA?
I mean…you would be TA but also I live for this sort of pettiness.
That being said, if someone I know goes abroad and there’s something they could get me that I’d want, I always offer money and/or ask for something very inexpensive or free. I never *expect* souvenirs.
I don’t think OP was necessarily waiting at home expecting them to buy her a souvenir.. but having them pull out souvenirs for the entire family in front of you and.. not getting you anything is hurtful.
NTA – although I do wish there was an option for “justified asshole” on this sub!
But is this a symptom of a larger problem? Do they treat you like this all the time? Are you often left out of things?
This seems like a very deliberate snub, and if this sort of thing has been going on for a while, then your husband should definitely have nipped it in the bud by now. If he hasn’t, you’ve got more problems than a few souvenirs.
Tbf they do not need a souvenir. A souvenir from what they aren’t the ones going in China
Sometimes you just have to be the AH to teach people a lesson
Although, if I was in your shoes, I’d get them something, but much cheaper than the souvenirs for your family. That way you can proudly say “nobody leaves empty- handed from my house!”, but it will be insulting that the souvenirs are cheaper
NTA
Is it petty? You’re dang right it is! I would like to point out that they commented that you were left out and that next time they would include you. If it was done on purpose, that’s a pretty crummy thing to do. If it was by accident, just imagine how you rank that they would get gifts for your child and your partner and just forget you.
So yeah. Be petty. Share the wealth.
NTA. Tell them what they told you – “next time I’ll get you something.”
Your husband telling you that you are being petty is him saying that it is easier to deal with you being upset than dealing with his family being upset when he *should* have your back and be explaining to them how they hurt your feelings and how rude they were.
“he said I should just get them something because they probably didn’t even notice that they left me out.”
Which is exactly the problem. Good lord. NTA.
NTA. His relatives are his to buy for if he wants. You don’t have to be the social secretary, nor the gift provider, for his relatives just because you’re female.
Don’t get them anything and don’t rub it in their face… No one will notice and there won’t be unnecessary strife in your life. How are you not able to figure this out for yourself at 40. yikes
I’m petty and you being slighted wasn’t an accident. Have fun on your trip.
My husband would have given back his and our kids and we would have walked out.
NTA
NTA What’s wrong with being petty in this situation? Your husband can buy his family souvenirs if he wants them to have something from China.
Just don’t do the last sentence you wrote, but you can fantasize about it all you want.
NTA if you don’t get anything for them.
But inviting them over just to gloss over that is too childish
Why the fuck would you get his family any souvenirs from YOUR trip? The only ones who should get anything from that trip are you and your son. Not even your husband needs a souvenir seeing as those are gestures of goodwill and him and his family seem to have none of that to give to you. NTA