My partner (F) wants to go to a concert in a couple of months. She really likes this band. I like it too, and was initially interested in going.
The thing is, we have a 2-week vacation trip scheduled for the following month, and we’re starting to book hotels and all, and I’d rather save this money to spend on the trip instead of on the concert.
She was initially upset but then said that’s okay and that she’ll go by herself. That’s nice of her of course, but for some reason I don’t feel good about this idea, as she’ll actually be 100% by herself (her closest friends around here have small kids so they wouldn’t go).
We live in a fairly safe town, so I don’t fear for her safety, it’s just weird for me to not go and let her go by herself. I guess I feel weird because we usually don’t do this kind of thing separately, and also because I know that, if I don’t go, she won’t have company at all.
AITA?
You’re not TA for not wanting to go but you would be TA if you stopped her from going as well.
NAH. She said she’s fine going by herself, and if you’re confident she’ll be safe, there’s really nothing to worry about. The only question is the cost: is the concert actually expensive enough that it makes sense to skip it and have her go alone?
People do things solo all the time. I assume your partner is not a child. She’s a grown adult. YTA for thinking she shouldn’t go alone.
“Let her go” gives me the ick. She’s not your property. Don’t ruin her fun just because you’re jealous.
YTA
Oh wow. That was a bit of an overreaction based on assumptions you made of me. I never said it was up to me to “let her go”. I was just wondering if I was an AH for not joining her, that’s all. I’m not jealous.
YTA.
I like to go to concerts by myself. That isn’t the issue.
The issue is you know it would be more fun for her to go with someone, you know it would be safer if she went with someone, you know you like the band.
You are an AH because your event, the vacation, you want to go all out, and her event, the concert, you can’t be bothered. You aren’t being a very good partner. That’s how I based my judgement.
( I may have a bias, I like concerts and I can go on vacation every year. Concerts are rare once in a lifetime experiences)
Maybe he doesn’t have unlimited money and the vacation, which was already requested off at work and partially planned, was already a stretch. He never implied going “all out” on the vacation like you said. Unless having a roof over your head in a hotel each night is “all out” in your book. Let’s not jump to conclusions and call people out for being fiscally responsible in this economy. You could be right, but OP did not elaborate on his exact situation or financial constraints
NTA. Don’t go if you don’t want to, but don’t stop her from going.
Going solo to concerts is done all the time, check out the r/concerts subreddit, there will be at least one daily post about going solo. Personally, I go to an average of 30 concerts a year, the vast majority of them, Im solo. I’d rather go alone than miss the show because my friends either can’t make it or have terrible taste in music.
NAH in this situation, op isn’t one for not wanting to go, the partner isn’t one for wanting to go solo.
NAH. You’re allowed to be concerned, maybe ask her to refrain from drinking or smoking if that is something she does. For piece of mind you could also drop her off and pick her up! It’s healthy to feel protective of the people we care about. But it is also reasonable for her to expect you to be cool with her doing her own thing.
NTA for deciding you don’t want to go to the concert but YTA for thinking that also means that she can’t go. She’s an adult and can make her own choices about where she wants to go and with whom. You have to trust that she respects your relationship enough to move in the world in a way that respects that. She says she doesn’t mind going alone and you should respect that decision, because it’s really not yours to make.
I don’t think you an AH, however, sometimes partners do things separately and that’s healthy. If it was a dangerous place then I’d say yea I’d be worried but if she wants to go alone, then just respect that. Obviously I’d check in to make sure she got there safe and ask her to just give you a call when she’s leaving if you’re concerned. It’s just a convo you gotta have with her.