I (16M) have a close friend (16F) who often comes to me for advice about school, friendships, and personal problems.
I don’t mind helping, and I genuinely try to listen and give thoughtful advice when she asks. The issue is that she never follows any of it. She’ll ask what to do, agree with me in the moment, then do the exact opposite, and later come back upset when things go wrong. This has been happening for months. Recently, she asked for advice again about a situation that was basically identical to one we’d already talked about several times. I told her honestly that I didn’t want to give advice anymore if she wasn’t going to consider it, because it’s emotionally draining to keep going in circles.
She got offended and said I was being unsupportive and that friends are supposed to listen no matter what. I told her I can still listen, but I don’t want to keep offering advice that gets ignored. Now she’s barely talking to me, and a couple of mutual friends said I was being too harsh and should’ve just gone along with it.
AITA?
NTA, you told her exactly what you should’ve told her. Not sure what you’re being harsh about, perhaps you need new friends.
Aint people great! Just continue to give advice knowing she prob wont take it.
People are fun this way!
NTA. You told her once, you told her twice, she’s the one not listening and being immature no need to play nice
NTA
I have a friend like this. I would spend 2 hours on the phone talking him off the ledge. Eventually I would manage to calm him down and talk him back to the sofa. The moment I hung the phone up he would spring up from the sofa, charge through the living room and dive head-first through the sliding glass door and over the balcony rail.
Every time.
(Metaphorically speaking of course)
Edit: Not talking about suicide. Just trying to get him to not do something drastic about a situation that’ll make it worse.
“Sorry; can’t talk now” is a simple response to avoid wasting 2 hrs at a time.
I know. I could have. I care for him and he was in a lot of distress at the time. Seems to be much better now.
NTA. It’s fair, they should have learned.
NTA however it might put in to perspective because I’m a younger woman but its possible she does that because she values your opinion and insight but might not actually be able to accept the advice completely? I’ve done this before where I’d ask something and agree then do the opposite and its cause i choose that advice wasn’t how I’d wanna do it and yes it would bite me in the but later my friends would always go “i told you so” light-heartedly or if it was something serious they would explain why they told me xyz like its all about communication of course on her part but she might just be “out of control” of herself and looking to you for support even if she doesn’t do what you think would be the right thing you would do in that situation. Its up to you if thats a friendship dynamic that you’d wanna be apart of or not cause i don’t think she’s TA either other than being easily offended at your friend
Some people want solutions, others just want validation. It sounds like she wants the latter, and you want the former. That mismatch doesn’t make you an AH
NTA. She probably doesn’t want advice as much as wants someone to support her idea. She’s frustrated because she hates that she made the wrong decision, but isn’t ready to handle the right one.
Anyway, next time she asks for advice, let her know that you don’t have any, but you will be there to listen if she needs that.
(Note: answering as a woman in similar situations with other women. Change your genders as necessary).
NTA!! At some point you just have to let that friend do whatever they want since they clearly won’t listen to you. Being someone who was once like your friend, unfortunately the most and best thing you can do is listen – tons of horrible experiences is the only way they’ll learn. Now being the giving advice friend, it does get draining. You’re choosing to still be there for your friend while letting them do what they want, they’ve already decided but just want someone to vent to.
NTA, it’s just complicated. Friends advice is supposed to be taken with a grain of salt. Your giving advice if you were in that situation, not laying down ultimatums
NTA I guess you haven’t had a chance to learn this yet, but people who come to you for advice don’t always actually want advice. Some people just want someone to listen to them vent about their problems. You don’t have to listen to anyone’s problems if you don’t want to. It gets tedious listening to someone whine all the time.