I (24F) have a brother (24M) who has been struggling financially for a while. Over the years, I’ve helped him out occasionally, and I genuinely don’t mind doing so every now and then when I can afford it.
In the last six weeks, he’s asked me for money four separate times, always saying it’s for groceries or basic necessities. Each time, it’s been a couple hundred dollars. I’ve sent it, even though I’m on a tight budget myself and don’t have much disposable income.
This last time, I finally told him I couldn’t keep helping him financially and that I just can’t afford to be his fallback anymore. I explained that the frequency and amount were starting to stress me out and that I need to be more careful with my own money.
He reacted badly and told me I’m a terrible sister, that I don’t care about family, and that family is supposed to help each other no matter what. Now I feel guilty, because I do believe family should support each other, but this feels like it’s gone from occasional help to something he expects.
I’m starting to feel like I’m being taken advantage of, but I really do worry for him.
NTA
While you are well and good to worry, you aren’t his personal bank. Further, unless you came across harsh and were mean and cruel, his reaction was a tad much. It says to me that he was hoping to continue his life without making changes because you are bankrolling his bad decisions with money. There are social programs he can look into and other options for him to consider. This isn’t your problem.
NTA. Make a list of every time he asked in the past and how much you gave. Don’t let him gaslight you and convince others you don’t help.
NTA
The cost of living is going up for everyone everywhere. It’s not unreasonable that you have to keep a tighter lid on your finances as well. Maybe he would benefit from using a local food pantry to help supplement for his groceries and try meal planning.
NTA
Her is absolutely taking advantage of you and trying to guilt trip you for having a boundary
That’s what im thinking as well but it feels but assuming that of my brother
NTA He is taking advantage of you. Four times in six weeks is absurd. He needs to either go into the local county assistance office and apply for food stamps and financial assistance or he needs financial education.
Ask him for help, and guilt-trip him if he says no.
This!
NTA If that’s the way he feels then he won’t mind doing the same for you. So ask him for grocery money. Same amounts he’s been asking of you. You’ll see quickly if it’s a things for me and not for thee situation. I suspect you will never be sending him money again.
Did not give him any more money. But offer to pick up something’s for him when you do your own shopping. If he says no, then I bet he’s not really spending it on food.
When has he helped you out?
Has he ever paid the money back ??
If family is supposed to help each other, no matter what, I would start calling him and asking him for money for groceries
I bet he changes his tune very quickly
NTA. You need to care for your situation first. yes, you are being taken advantage of. Sorry to sound harsh, but when was the last time he went to a food shelf?