Hello all. My BF (24M) and I (24F) have been together since HS (7 yrs) and live together. We got into a huge fight earlier about this. I was really sure of myself at the time but I’m starting to doubt it. I’m hoping that outside opinions will help us move forward.
I’m a bartender and usually have Sundays off. Last week I told BF that I may work Super Bowl Sunday because the bartender really wanted out of his shift and was willing to pay. Fast forward two days later, he found someone else to take it for free. I *did* tell BF about this, though now he says he doesn’t remember it.
Yesterday I realized that he hadn’t mentioned plans. I asked him and he told me that his HS friends were getting together. I have *never* liked the guys in this group, not even before I dated BF. They’re immature and gross. One of them is a certified creep, one has like 2 DUIs. Another one disliked me before BF and I ever started dating, and I found out years ago that he spent a while trying to convince BF not to date me (even after we were). Most of them also don’t have girlfriends (go figure). Suffice to say that’s not somewhere I’d be comfortable.
I was peeved that he didn’t mention it sooner but decided to find my own plans. Unfortunately, that was hard. Everyone is either out of town or unavailable. I got pretty sad and tried to hide it from BF but he kept asking what was wrong. I told him it bothered me that he made plans without thinking of me. He got upset. He said he didn’t remember me telling him I’d be off and he wouldn’t be manipulated into thinking my lack of plans was his problem. He said if I wanted something to do, I could come with him because he wants to watch it with his friends.
I thought I’d just watch it alone at our place. *Then* I thought about my friend, Thomas, who happens to be a huge fan of one of the teams. We worked together for like 4 years and still keep in touch. He’s one of the best guy friends I’ve ever had. Every time he has met BF, he’s gone out of his way to be respectful towards him. They’ve talked sports and video games. I actually thought they were sort of buddies.
I reached out to Thomas as a long shot, and lo and behold, he planned to watch it alone at a local sports bar. I said hey, can I come? We made the plans and I told BF about them. His response- “if you do that, your shit will be on the curb when you get back”.
I was shocked and we fought hard. He admitted that he trusted me and didn’t deny that he trusted Thomas too. He just said it was a bad look for his girlfriend to be having a “one-on-one” with another guy. I argued that it wouldn’t be weird at all as I’m certain the bar will be packed. I called him controlling but he stood firm, and then told me he couldn’t even stand to look at me after knowing I think this is okay.
In the end, I cancelled on Thomas. I still don’t know if I feel it was justified, though. Was I really so out of line for thinking I could hangout with him by myself? AITA?
NTA
\>His response- “if you do that, your shit will be on the curb when you get back”.
OP, take your stuff, RUN, and never look back. Yea this is a “break up” situation idc what other Redditers say
\> I got pretty sad and tried to hide it from BF but he kept asking what was wrong. I told him it bothered me that he made plans without thinking of me. He got upset. He said he didn’t remember me telling him I’d be off and he wouldn’t be manipulated into thinking my lack of plans was his problem.
A clear double standard OP. And let’s get this straight-he got mad because you answered a question he asked about your feelings? Unlike him, you aren’t the one that said don’t hang with your friends
nta. your guy’s real selfish.
NTA the moment he told you to go make your own plans and started the fight I think your actions were justified he had me in the first half but if he’s met Thomas and knows Thomas and trust Thomas why is he tripping ? I think your boyfriend is similar to his friends and childish
NTA.
Threatening to kick you out of your home over a bad look is simply abusive especially since he admitted he trusts both you and Thomas. He prioritized his friends (who treat you poorly) over you and then punished you for making your own plans in a public place.
The fact that he is willing to make you homeless over his own insecurity is a massive red flag.
Take the time while he’s watching the Super Bowl with his friends to pack your own shit and leave….
This guy doesn’t even like you. You’re nothing but a status symbol to him. I hope you have enough self respect to act on this information.
If you had to cancel on Thomas he needs to cancel his friend group hang. If not you need to leave. You want to be controlled like this? That’s bs that he can pull that card on you
NTA run sis
NTA red flags everyone has been pointing out, better to cut your losses and run asap before you wake up one more realizing you wasted years of your life with an abuser
This is the way he treats you after 7yrs together? He’s a manboy.
NTA
Kindly remind him that him spending time with a person who actively pushed for him to not date you is a terrible look and that if HE goes, HIS shit will be out on the curb.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a manipulative, controlling asshat. Get out of this relationship before you waste anymore time with him. Surely, you don’t want your whole like to look like this.
“If you do that, your shit will be on the curb when you get back.”
I’d be removing my own shit from his life if he said those words. Holy smokes.
Who he chooses for his friends also tells you a lot about him. They don’t respect you and he still chooses them. He doesn’t respect you either.
NTA
You need to raise your standards. Get rid of the boyfriend it gets worse never better. Birds of a feather flock together. He hangs with a crowd that gives you the ick. Why cancel with your friend? You need to move on with your life.