Context:
My (23F) best friend David (23M) and I have been close for years. A few months ago, he asked me out and I politely declined. He was a great friend, but he’s not my type. He’s a heavy smoker, and I have asthma, I cough immediately if someone smokes in my face. Despite knowing this, he continues to smoke around me constantly.
Since the rejection, his behavior has changed:
Recently, I wore a new, expensive organic fur coat. David literally snatched the tag off it the moment he saw it and mocked the price. He kept smoking so much that my coat soaked up the smell and my throat felt itchy all night. He then made "jokes" in front of our mutual friends, calling me materialistic and saying things like, "Spending x amount on a coat is so stupid," and "She has unrealistically high standards; she only likes men with money and success." I like ambitious men who won’t drag me down, and he clearly hates that.
We had a mutual friend, "Sara" (26F), whom I cut off for being disrespectful. She would consistently slut shame me, and also called me a gold-digger because a man I was seeing bought me "just because" flowers. David didn’t defend me; he laughed and called her joke "accurate." Later, at a concert where I was in full glam, she literally splashed water on my face and laughed. David only saw a problem once he realized I wasn’t laughing, and later tried to justify her behavior when I cut her off.
David constantly performs "kindness" to hold it over my head. At dinner, if someone suggests seafood, he’ll announce, "Oh no, she doesn’t like that," then tell the group, "See? I know her so well" or "See how much I care about her?" If he does anything nice, he announces it: "Look, I did this for her and she still won’t give me a chance." It feels like he’s only being a friend to collect points.
He is now weaponizing our friend group. He sends me voice notes where he’s literally crying, saying "I miss you so much." When I tried to tell him this makes me uncomfortable, he flipped it, saying he isn’t asking me to reciprocate. Yet, he tells everyone I’m cruel for not giving him a chance. Now, our mutual friends are shipping us and pressuring me to meet him. They even tricked me into a New Year’s gathering so he could corner me. Lately, he’s even started body-shaming me, which is wild because I’m half his weight.
Current situation:
I am moving out of the city and back in with my parents soon. David is blowing up my phone every day for a goodbye hangout. I’ve been ignoring him because I honestly don’t want to see him. My mutual friends are reaching out, saying I’m being mean and cruel for not meeting him before I leave.
I feel gaslit into being the villain for having health boundaries, career standards, and a preference for not being insulted or emotionally pressured.
AITA for refusing to see him and ignoring his "crying" texts?
EDIT: CONTEXT AND UPDATE:
For those asking why I’m still around these people: we were originally a group of coworkers. I’m a very social person and most of my friends are wonderful, but this specific circle is heavy on emotional blackmail. Whenever I try to pull away, they pull the "I guess you’re too good for us now" card. I’ve been trying to fade out to avoid a blow-up, but clearly, that isn’t working.
Update on David:
I finally replied to tell him I wouldn’t be meeting him and that his behavior felt like pressure. He is now completely denying everything and playing the victim. Here is a summary of the texts he just sent me:
"I never wanted to make you uncomfortable. What did I do? Is meeting me that bad?"
"I’m not pushing anything. I’ve always treated you with respect and love and tried not to mess up the friendship. I tried to control my feelings, but what can I do?"
"I only sent those crying voice notes because I wanted to ‘let it out.’ I didn’t ask you to reciprocate."
"Don’t do this, please don’t disrespect me like this."
"After years of friendship, this is what you wanna do? This is how you wanna leave me? I’m a human too."
"You broke my heart by saying all that, I called you my bestfriend and this is what I get."
He is literally claiming that me saying no to a meeting is disrespecting him. He thinks his need to let out his feelings via crying voice notes is more important than my right to not be harassed by them.
I am done and will be blocking him. Thank you everyone for giving me some perspective on this.
EDIT 2: UPDATE:
I haven’t yet replied to the texts I mentioned above, and he is now saying things like "if you don’t want to meet me, don’t visit my grave either when I die" in the group chat with mutual friends since I stopped responding to him. As expected, everyone is blowing up my phone now, telling me I am being unfair. Although, I’m trying my best to not let it affect my decision.
NTA – He’s not your friend, he’s a “nice guy”. The way he treated you after you turned him down is who he is truly his. Block him and anyone who gives you shit over it.
why are you hanging around these people? they sound horrid and treat you awfully. nta. drop their asses
NTA,if this isn’t AI then you need new friends. Your bestie sounds like a manipulative jerk.
NTA. These people do not sound like friends.
NTA he wasn’t a friend.
He was pretending to be so that he could convince you to sleep with him.
Now you are seeing the REAL him.
You don’t owe That guy anything.
Tell your friends to hang out with him if he’s so lonely.
NTA
He and your friends all suck. If i were you, i would send 1 message to him where you tell him that you really liked him as a friend but that it’s your free choice who to date and you are not interested in him romantically or sexually. And any chance he might have had, he ruined himself by not caring about your asthma, by doing “nice things” only to get credit in front of the friends, by not defending you when others were mean to you and by continuously pressuring you instead of respecting your “no”. Why would you be interested in someone who obviously doesn’t care about you.
And then i would block him.
Further, i would reach out to each and every “friend” and tell them that it is not ok to pressure you into giving a guy a chance who continues to not respect your answer , etc. (Basically the points from the above paragraph) and that you are really disappointed that your so called friends would pressure you like that. You won’t have any contact with him anymore and if anybody questions this decision or again tricks you into meeting him (which makes you feel unsafe) you will also stop having contact with them.
At least that’s what i would do. I’m very sorry your friends suck. Hope you have a good time at your parents and that you make better friends soon! You got this!
NTA. Never go for last goodbye meetings. He’ll try to manipulate you into thinking you lost a gem, when in fact you dodged a bullet.
NTA
Don’t give in! He sounds unstable as fuck and honestly dangerous! Your “friends” already showed you they are willing to help him corner you. I wouldn’t meet ANY of them anymore.
NTA and thank God you’re moving away from these awful people
OP you need new friends
This dude who try to get your attention and to date you, when you said no, isn’t someone who is respectful.
Your friends are not friends either. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.
Other redditors will agree, ban them all.
NTA. David is a bully who thinks if he cries loud enough, you’ll forget he spent months insulting you and your lifestyle. He’s already made you the villain to your mutual friends, meeting him will just give him one last chance to manipulate you. Run, don’t walk.
NTA but why are you clinging to a guy who openly hates your guts and apparently lives to make you miserable? Jesus Christ, girl, have some self-respect.
Just block him and be done with it.
Don’t meet him. Do not meet him.
You’re young so you may not know that people get killed in this situation. You have rejected him. Sometimes that’s all it takes to become a victim of rape or murder.
Do not tell his arsehole hangers on anything.
Leave town without telling anyone and block all of them.
Good luck.
Why are you calling this guy your “best friend.” He obviously is not if this is his behavior. Block him, make new friends.