I19F am in college. My father is very strict when it comes to certain things. He wanted me to focus on my education and education only. I have a small studio near my school, my father pays my rent for me. In return he did not want me to have friends over, or any boyfriends. My name is on the lease, I’ve lived here almost a year. I still had friends over from time to time, which he found out from my younger siblings. We got into an argument about that. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months, that my family had no idea about since I’m not allowed to date. He does stay at my apartment sometimes so some of his stuff is there.
My parents anyways tried surprise visiting me last weekend and my boyfriend happened to be staying the night so they found out. It caused a huge argument with my father and he basically said he would no longer be paying me rent. They had went home and I received a long text about how he expected me to pay every dime back since I lied and disobeyed him. I ignored his text, the next day he texted me again. I told him I wouldn’t be paying him back, that I didn’t force him to pay for anything. He basically told me he wouldn’t be paying my phone bill anymore neither, which was fine. I can figure it out. He told me if I didn’t pay him back, not to expect a place I could call home until I do. Now none of my family is answering not even my younger siblings. I personally don’t feel like I need too, he offered to do that for me I was willing to do the drive from school to home or get a job and a roommate. AITA
This is what happens when people who base their whole personality on having control lose it. It sucks they won’t be paying anymore but I hope you can move forward on your own. They are betting the farm you will come crawling back.
Nope. You’re not in the wrong here. You are allowed to have a life. You aren’t a child.
NTA. You’re an adult so you are allowed to do what you want. Just remember that your father will probably not allow you to go back to his house. Hopefully you earn enough to support yourself.
NTA. You’re a grown adult. If familial support comes with terms and conditions, then it isn’t support.
Going with NTA… your dad sounds controlling, and that he probably felt like his paying the bills meant he got to make all the rules… I’m assuming there was no real need for that level of control, like your grades weren’t in the toilet or anything like that. Regardless, it seems like he’s going to isolate you from your family until you come crawling back and give him the money he wants, so you’ll need to get a job and all of that stuff. Hopefully it goes well for you.
NTA but don’t be surprised when he withdraws all financial support & contact
NTA. Your dad paying for you wasn’t a loan, it was just being a parent. Your dad doesn’t get to retroactively change the terms just because you upset him.
Ew. Your dad is creepy asf.
This reminds me of my partner’s situation. Her father is a controlling asshole and he still tries to keep her under his thumb (she is 43 and rents from him and she is married and poly and doesn’t know we are dating. She was told the deed to the house would be put in her name but he is dragging his ass and collecting rent anyway).
Write the family off. Your younger siblings narked on you, fuck them. And your dad? Controlling and manipulative. He’s putting expectations on you which would make you miserable and totally destroy what SHOULD be a regular college experience. I mean, not dating in college? Dude. Seriously? I would be willing to bet he did not adhere to that rule at your age.
Get a job, after that you get the apartment and utilities in your name, and pay for everything yourself. You will have way less freetime, it will be stressful, but it will be rewarding being free. My wife went to a college her parents didn’t approve of, and got a job at a local pizza place to pay her car insurance and housing costs. She graduated with a distinction in victorian/shakespearean lit and has since published three books and a novella.
To this DAY, her dad treats her like an unruly teenager and from what I’ve seen, her interactions with him are placating him while her husband handles actual home issues because her dad doesn’t take her seriously as an adult. The sooner you can be free of his rules, the happier you will be.
Now, if getting a job isn’t feasible, and you can’t afford your bills? You may have to move, you may have to compromise, it may get messy. But apply everywhere and take as many hours as school and studies allow and stack up as much as you can because the job market sucks and housing costs are expensive.
I think your dad set unfair rules on you. It’s patriarchal at best and manipulative at worst. But personally? I wouldn’t pay him back, and I would work and put the apartment in my own name and move all the utilities over.
I’m 34 now, and I actually pay my dad’s phone bill because he’s falling on hard times. He is a good, chill, cool, accepting man, so I do this despite the hardships it puts on me (and he needs his phone to be able to receive calls pertaining to job offers), but if he was like your dad? I wouldn’t even talk to him.
He’s being ridiculous. He’s one of those people who’s obsessed with their daughter’s virginity. You’ll have to pay your own way going forward, but there’s no way you should “pay him back.” NTA.
Wow, talk about controlling. No, you don’t need to pay him. This is a good thing for your independence and is about to teach you how to deal with life’s problems earlier. If they are not answering your phone calls, then stop calling. It gives your dad an ego boost every time you call and they don’t answer. Someone in your family will eventually start calling you down the line.
Nta, but please pick your battles. If it’s going to be genuinely hard for you to take care of yourself, just apologize. Negotiate new terms or something. I went to college with parents like this and I just ended up dropping out because the control was too much. I think if I figured out how to take care of myself before I started college, I probably would’ve finished and not worry about displeasing my parents
My father would never change his mind, it will be back to no friends or boyfriends. I am speaking to my boyfriends sister boss tomorrow about a job, and have some money put away.
All these people saying YTA are controlling parents themselves. Imagine thinking someone is spoiled because they want to have FRIENDS. Good grief.