I (14F) am part of a friend group of about nine people. Over the summer, four people in the group had a sleepover without telling anyone else. Friend 1 (14F) and I found out about it together while we were on a call. I saw one of their Instagram stories, they were watching a movie at one of the girl’s houses, and that’s how we realized they had hung out without us. We were both really confused and hurt because we’re a really close group, and we didn’t understand why they didn’t invite us. At the time, we didn’t explore it further and just let it go.
The day after the sleepover, they went to the pool. Friend 1 was invited to go with them, but nobody else was. She went, even though she was still hurt about being left out of the sleepover. They even tried to invite her to their house after the pool, but she said no because she was still upset. I was a little confused at first why she went at all since she had just been complaining on call, but I get it now she probably didn’t want to be completely left out.
Friend 1 and I bonded over feeling excluded. We called each other, vented, and talked about other things that had bothered us in the group. Later on, everything blew over and we had decided to forget about the situation.
A few months later, one of the girls from that sleepover/pool group was going to have a birthday dinner. I actually knew about it in advance since she had told me in like december, but I didn’t know she was only going to invite certain people until she made a group chat with just the invited guests. She explained the limit was because of her mom and the restaurant. As soon as I realized it was only a small group, I knew it could cause drama.
I was invited, but I didn’t tell Friend 1. It was kind of a silent rule in the group chat not to tell anyone who wasn’t invited, and I didn’t feel like it was my place to break that. I also already kind of knew Friend 1 would probably be upset, especially at me, because of what happened over the summer and how we bonded over feeling excluded.
Yesterday, one of the friends who was invited told me that Friend 1 had found out about the dinner. When she found out, she just said “oh.” we had told her that the friend’s mom said we can only invite a certain amount of people, but she had left us on read.
After that, she posted something on her story saying “no one’s really your friend.” She hasn’t said anything directly to me, but I could tell she was upset based on the post and how she reacted. and the morning after when I sent her a message or TikToks, she didn’t reply.
I understand why she’s upset, and I would probably feel the same if I were in her shoes. But she really can’t be mad at me or the girl organizing the party because neither of us had any control over how many people could be invited. I just feel stuck in the middle of something I didn’t create and couldn’t control.
idk this whole situation is kinda silly, but I overthink a lot so I need ya’ll ease my nerves 😭.
I’m going to gently hold your hand when I say, yta. What I would have done isn’t what you’d do, but I would personally have turned down the event and not went because I knew it would make my friend upset. Considering you know how bad it hurt when you weren’t invited, but attended anyway knowing your friend wasn’t, I think it was a bad choice. You probably had a good time, but your friend was left out again, and she’s still hurt by it. Maybe even more the second time. If she had done it to you, you would have felt as hurt as she is, being left out again.
OP can’t do things without their friend lol? Sounds like her friend might be a little selfish and needs to get over herself. It’s not OPs fault her friend wasn’t invited and OP’s life doesn’t revolve around their peers. This ain’t even her best friend. It’s “My friend, friend 1!” lmao
That’s not what I meant. What I meant is that this friend group seems to be leaving people out all over the place. Every event a number of them just “aren’t invited”. I would personally not attend the events thrown by this group because it looks like the selection process for attending these events always hurts someone. OP can do whatever they want. Reddit isn’t here to control people. But I think if every time I attended these events someone was sadly sitting at home wishing – I would be the asshole. But at the end of the day, I can’t imagine ever having so many friends that some of them just “can’t attend” because I have too many.
I feel like that happens a lot depending on the group. I’ve known a lot of my friends for a decade now. We all know who likes what, who is available when. It doesn’t always align, so we simply don’t invite them. That doesn’t mean we don’t hang out with them, I’m just not always with them while they do stuff and they may not always be with us.
Maybe in this context you’re spitting facts and it’s malicious, I just didn’t really interpret it as a rude thing based on the way my friend groups have always operated
Usually we do all hang out together as a full group. That’s why the sleepover stood out so much it was the first time they actually excluded some of us from something, which is why it hurt and why it stuck with us. Most other times, things are either open invites or everyone’s included, so this wasn’t like a constant thing
OP you’re fine shit happens. NTA, but not a saint either. Your friend will get over it and needs to recognize that within life friends hang out without each other. That being said, I personally would’ve still brought it up so it didn’t feel like a blindside to a lie.
ESH. I think the both of you are putting too much value in a group that is already dishonorable.
They could have easily said “hey guys only X amount of people are allowed to attend my party, anyone who wants to come respond quickly”. So I already think the making a different group chat was shady. You both point that out, but come running at the opportunity to be included. So I think the both of you don’t value each other that much because you both attend things knowing it’s going to hurt the other one.
All in all, you guys have no real loyalty to another. You hide things from each other and are inconsiderate of each others feelings. The friendship has ran its course and has now ended. That’s my opinion, sorry if it sounds a bit harsh.
Oh but if I’m wrong and you do value her as a friend all you can do is give a genuine apology.
Im sorry but this seems really silly. Im going to say YTA. Im only saying that because you were upset that you didn’t get invited and your friend did and you got upset that she went. Then the exact same situation happened and you got invited and she wasn’t. You plan on going and then try to act like “ih i cant control who is invited and that there’s a limit, its not my fault”. You cant control who is invited but you can control if you go or not, its hypocritical. Also friends can hang out individually, its really not deep and should be a non issue. If you guys are getting butt hurt and upset than youre really immature.