**I (17F) have a classmate (17F) who never talks to me unless she needs something. All semester she ignored me, never replied when I tried to start conversations, and even once told someone she didn’t want to sit with me because she already had friends.**
**Now exams are coming up and she suddenly texted me asking for all my notes and summaries because she missed a lot of classes.**
**I spent hours making those notes and they’re the main reason I’m prepared for the exam. I told her politely that I’m not comfortable sharing them since she only reaches out when she needs help.**
**She said I’m being petty and that “helping classmates is basic decency.” Some of my friends say I should just send them because it’s not a big deal.**
**AITA for refusing?**
NTA. So what if its petty? Its not, but lets say it is, these are circumstances where petty is appropriatee.
NTA. You went to class. Did the work. Put in extra time. If you wanted to be petty you’d give her all the wrong notes; you’re not- you’re just refusing to enable her poor academic choices.
NTA. While helping classmates is basic decency, so is treating classmates decently to begin with, and she has already failed there. She doesn’t have to be your friend, OP, but ignoring you and talking behind your back are failures of moral etiquette, and they are enough to say this person is not someone you need to offer things to.
I’d go even further than that and offer a personal opinion, instead of judgement. For me, my notes represent the work and effort and understanding that I put into the class. I don’t share them with anyone who didn’t share that with me. I’m not sure that just existing on the same class list is reason enough for me to share my notes. The people I would share my notes with are the people who talked to me in the lab and shared thoughts and ideas with in tutorials. A person who has never interacted with me, positively, in the academic sense of the learning has no business asking for my notes.
To be clear, stay civil in your response. Not because it’s morally right, althought it is, but because it will be worse for her to hear it politely.
I swear this is the 3rd or 4th time I’ve seen this post, and it was only mildly interesting the first time.
Yeah, i read this a few days ago
NTA. Tell her to ask one of the people she already is friends with.
NTA Oh it is a huge deal. If your friends want her to have notes they should share their own. I wouldn’t even share with them to make sure she doesn’t get them
She can say what she wants but it doesn’t mean that it’s valid. Her gaslighting is pathetic, please don’t fall for it. The best thing that you can do is not respond to her in any way.
Why do I keep seeing this exact post?
Would helping her make you a good human. Sure. Maybe.
But you’re not being petty by not helping her. You do not owe anyone help or support that doesn’t help or support you.
NTA . Tell her to ask her friends.
DO NOT SEND THE NOTES.
Stand on business.
NTA, but it could be a fun thing to prepare quiz materials for yourself and redact parts to help yourself review and send her the redacted version.
Asking you for all your notes just before the exam isn’t helping out a classmate, it’s doing all the work for her. If she’d been studying with you all semester, sharing her notes etc., of course you’d help her, but that’s not what she’s doing. She’s trying to take advantage of you and manipulate you into doing what she wants by calling you petty and lacking in basic decency.
NTA for refusing.