I’ve known my friend George from school since we started high school in freshman year, although it wasn’t until sophomore year that we actually became friends, and he’s always been a people pleaser, a big one. He would always say yes to everything, even when it was something that clearly brought him no benefit or that he didn’t want to do. One time he got paired with a guy who didn’t feel like doing anything in a project with George, and apparently, George did ALL the work and did not tell the teacher because the other guy asked him to do it and he just said yes. Another example was when he gave money to this one girl in our class because she didn’t have money. You may think he did these things out of kindness, no, he didn’t, he told us that he didn’t actually want to do those things, but he didn’t want to seem rude and say no.
He’s a nice guy, but that might be the problem, he’s too nice, and people take advantage of that. The problem came last week, when we went on a school trip to a museum. In the museum, at some point they brought us to a room where they were going to explain some boring stuff with a powerpoint no one was going to listen to. Thankfully, there were chairs we could sit on. Me, our other friend James and George sat in the last row to the right, whilst 2 girls sat next to us, finishing the last row in the right part. However, there was 1 missing chair for the students, meaning that one of the girls was left out.
We were sitting right next to her 2 friends, who are very obnoxious people, in particular the girl who ended up standing up. However, the girl came up to George and told him in very bad manners to basically fuck off and let her have a seat next to her friends. I got upset when she said that because we literally got there first and George hadn’t done anything wrong, that seat wasn’t hers. But he said “I’m sorry”, stood up, and let her have the seat. Not even a thank you from the girl btw.
I was extremely mad at George, not even because now it was just me and James and we couldn’t talk to him, but because he was now going to have to stand up for an hour AND not only was he, in my opinion, disrespected but also said SORRY when that happened. After they gave us that boring talk, George came to us and said that she was a huge asshole. Now, maybe the good friend thing would’ve been to agree with him, but I was really mad at him, so I told him my opinion: Instead of calling her an asshole, maybe you should see how you have 0 personality and just let people walk all over you for the sake of “avoiding conflict”, next time either you stand up for yourself or you won’t have my support.
I could tell he didn’t like what I said. But he didn’t deny it, and the worst part is that he returned to normal like 10 minutes later. Which in my opinion might be his people pleasing attitude of just accepting my statement and moving on. James said I went too far, saying I prob hurt George’s feelings and that I should’ve been more cool with him.
ESH. How does being a people pleaser translate into “no” personality? You were just being mean.
When I saw the title. I already knew my verdict. YTA
YTA You’re being a mean person and idk how being a people please correlates to having no personality
YTA. The feelings you have at George should’ve been directed at that AH. Support George, don’t dump on him. He isn’t an asshole for being a people pleaser, you knowing this and not supporting him is bad enough, you insulting him and directing your angst at him would make you more like the AH who got him to move. Be his friend, don’t join his enemies, for lack of better words.
YTA
You’re not his friend. Not with that attitude and approach.
Friends look out for their friends.
Precisely!
yta
being a people, pleaser is a function of other manifestations of experience in life or personal challenges such as confidence. it certainly doesn’t mean that he has no personality. it just means that he doesn’t approach things in a way that you find to be The preferred way. we all please people at some point in our life. whether it’s our parents or our employers. I don’t think that it’s necessary to call names. yeah, not cool
YTA
I get you’re frustrated, especially when George says ‘yes’ to stuff then complains later.
However, being a people-pleaser is not the same as ‘no personality’. What an insult to your friend!
If you like George and you wish he would stand up for himself more, then express that. ‘George, I notice that you go along with what people say or ask of you, then complain later. You could avoid a lot of that if you would learn to be more assertive and stand up for yourself more… it’s not right that xyz treats you taht way or demands your chair, etc. Why not just say ‘no, sorry, you’ll have to find another chair’.
Also, why didn’t YOU stand up for George and show him how it’s done?
> Also, why didn’t YOU stand up for George and show him how it’s done?
Second this! OP isn’t a good friend to George.
YTA. Everyone’s reasons why are correct. You’re not a friend. An acquaintance or rude coworker might think this way about a person. Not a friend.
YTA
You could have told George your opinion without saying he had no personality. Which isn’t true because his personality is to be a people pleasing pushover. You’re not better than the asshole girl in the way that you spoke to him.
You owe George an apology.
You can talk to your friend and tell them you don’t like them being a pushover especially if they have brought up how they don’t like helping other. He may need some support and personal growth. But attacking their personality was not okay. YTA for that.
Give them a hug and say sorry but it comes from a place of concern.
YTA – You said something mean and judgemental out of anger. You’re angry at your “friend” for having a character defect and defining him solely by that defect. It’s frustrating, sure, but if you cared at all about him as a person, you would approach him in the spirit of that care. You should look at how this reveals character defects (anger, arrogance, being overly judgemental) within yourself and work on them, instead of trying to correct others.