A few months ago I was moved into a new team at work. This team is a lot more social than my previous team. For my job I can work from home or use the office as much as I want.
My previous team only worked from home and while I don’t mind working from home, it can be quite isolating.
My new team meets up at least once a week in the office and tends to go for lunch together etc. Even when the full team is not in the office, there will be 1 or 2 of them there. I decided to start going into the office around twice a week.
My new team is made up of three men and four women. Whoever is in the office when I go in, we’ll grab lunch together.
My girlfriend asked why I was going into the office more often and I told her. She asked who was in my team and I told her their names. She asked if I’ve been going for lunch with the women on my team women and I said yeah if it’s women from the team that are in the office.
My girlfriend said I shouldn’t be doing that and I’m crossing a line. She asked if I’ve ever gone to lunch one on one with a woman in my team and I told her I have. I also pointed out I’ve gone for lunch one on one with male members of my team.
She mentioned me going into the office affects our plans such as the gym etc but I just said she doesn’t need me to go to the gym, she’s capable of going on her own and for other plans, we’ll just have to plan them for later or for other days.
She said I shouldn’t be going into the office as often as I am and that I shouldn’t be going for lunch with other women. I mentioned that there’s nothing wrong with getting lunch with colleagues but she just said I was disrespectful and that I’m not listening.
AITA for going into the office more often?
NTA. Your girlfriend is way too insecure. Giant red flag here. Sounds like it’s time to reconsider if this is a person you want to be in a relationship with.
nta. from this info sounds like she’s just jealous you’re potentially spending time with women other than her. which is literally normal and fine interaction? talking to someone of the opposite gender doesn’t equate to anything untoward.
NTA. Question though, if you were bisexual would you not be allowed to have any friends because wtf
Lol, I used this line on an ex-boyfriend before and he looked so confused.
NTA, your girlfriend is being excessively controlling.
I suppose it’s kinda cute that she thinks you are so irresistible that your female colleagues won’t be able to contain themselves /sarcasm – it’s really NOT cute that she is so possessive of you.
She says you’re not listening: so, have a proper conversation as to exactly **why** it is so “disrespectful”. As far as plans go – if you are working from home, you are working, so going to the gym and whatever other plans she thinks are affected should make no significant difference.
NTA. “It’s part of work, and it helps me destress and be more communicative with my colleagues while letting me socialize a bit. I’ve been feeling really isolated lately, and this small social aspect is really helpful for my mental health. These aren’t random women off the street. I’m not putting out an ad for babes to have lunch with. I’m eating with coworkers, socializing, and having a little adult time with others that I feel I need. I really don’t appreciate you putting a nefarious angle on it, nor do I like that you’re fixating on the gender of the people I work with and eat lunch with. You’re cool with the guys, but not the girls? That’s really sexist. These are my colleagues. I don’t get to pick who works with me. I’d really appreciate it if you’d take a moment to realize how controlling your suggestion sounds, and that it’s disrespectful to treat me like I’m not adult enough to have adult relationships with workmates. If you don’t like that I socialize outside of you, that’s also grossly controlling. Maybe we need to go talk to a therapist or something about this, because I’m not comfortable with the idea of you isolating what women I can be around or that you think I shouldn’t go into work because YOU feel I don’t ‘have to’. That sounds weird.”
NTA
As long as you are not being over friendly, being social for work is important.
If you are not spending beyond your means.
If you are not being inappropriate during conversations & communications.
It’s okay for her to query the change that’s normal, but if you are north being honest and transparent, then there has to be trust until proven otherwise necessary.
Shes too insecure.
also controlling your office days is a red flag idc
NTA,
Ask your partner if she needs some therapy for her insecurities.
NTA
Your girlfriend is either insecure, jealous, or has severe FOMO (fear of missing out). You two should definitely talk it out, maybe seek professional help depending on how bad it is, or decide to go your separate ways. Either way, don’t let her gaslight or control you.
This is crazy I would never date someone who was this controlling over who I went to lunch with. My fiancé has friends and colleagues that are men and I have friends and colleagues that are women and we trust each other because we are mature adults
Two years ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cm6d3y/my_girlfriend_25f_called_me_28m_disrespectful_for/
Your girlfriend is way too insecure