I (18M) just started my first year at university. I’ve been having lots of fun, and made some friends, but a couple months ago, they started to plan a big, weeklong road trip across the country to one of their homes. Because there were 5 people there, and only 5 spots in the car, they were going to be the only ones who went. In early January, one of them figured he couldn’t go, so I was invited to take his place. I was excited, and started making plans, but within a couple weeks he wanted to go again, and asked one of my closest friends, who said yes so she wouldnt have to drive the whole time (I cant drive her car for insurance reasons). I understood this, but was pretty upset they didnt ask me about it first. Because it upset me so much, I started planning a way to drive up in my parents’ car. I got everything figured out, git permission to take the car, but was hesitant to commit because it would be expensive to pay for gas, but i did let them know i was probably coming. Fast forward to this monday, and I find out they all have a group chat without me, that predates the trip. I understand why they had it, and i know it wasnt to exclude me, but it still got me in my head about the trip, so i told them I wanted to go unless they had any issues. Both of my closest friends told me that it probably wouldn’t work because it was too late to change plans with their parents. I tried to come up with a few ways for it to work, but they shot all of them down, and didn’t seem like they wanted me to come up with more ideas. They left this morning, and while the FOMO sucks, I’m mostly upset they didn’t do that much to include me. I made it clear the first time i was uninvited that the trip meant a lot to me, and that the way they handled it was shitty. They know I have issues with being left out of stuff, that I was willing to spend 300$ and 30hrs driving, possibly alone, and i can’t remember a single time they did anything to make it work. I understand their side of the story, and get that this probably isn’t a big deal, but I think they could’ve handled it a lot better, and this upset me a lot more than i think it would most people. I don’t understand why they couldn’t have helped come up with how I could come, especially since I was feeling left out of that specific group.
tldr; my friends are going on a road trip together, and invited me, before uninviting me for semi-practical reasons, and when I tried to make it work by bringing a second car, they uninvited me again, and didn’t seem willing to troubleshoot anything. AITA for trying too hard to come?
They’re just not that into you. Sorry.
NTA.
You weren’t doing anything wrong by trying to make it work, but these friends clearly weren’t willing to meet you halfway. It might be time to find new buddies who actually make you feel included instead of stressing over people who leave you out. Don’t waste energy on friends who aren’t willing to have your back.
NTA, but oh, hon.
They didn’t want you to come. They weren’t open to brainstorming ways to include you because they didn’t want you to come. They should’ve just said so, and they suck for inviting you and then uninviting you….but they were sending pretty clear signals that you don’t seem to have picked up on.
I’m sorry, it really sucks to find out that your friends don’t feel as close to you as you do to them. Going forward, you know they’re not worth that much of your time and energy.
Thing is I did pick up on those vibes, and asked them about it. They said it was all shitty coincidences, and that they didn’t want to brainstorm because the trip had already been so much to plan, and it was too much of a hassle. I want to believe that that’s it, but its hard to given how they acted
If they wanted you there, they would have tried.
A lot of people rarely tell the truth when confronted. What is easier to most, telling you actually we just don’t want you there, which makes them look like the villain or telling you no no there’s no vibes. It’s all in your head. It’s just inconvenient at all that’s happening here. NTA but I promise you these are not your people as much as it sucks and hurts. Don’t invest more energy into them.
Those aren’t your friends and as soon as you understand that you’ll be better off
Are they in a weird 5 way love triangle? Finding out your friends aren’t who they thought they are, is a tough lesson. Maybe you take this as a positive and misread your title like I did to say aita for reinventing myself (while all my ‘friends’ go) on a road trip. And then I would say NAH.
Focus on your studies and less on your friends. All your friends go off and settle down and barely ever speak to you eventually. Get smarter get a great job and make them wish they treated you better.
I also misread that until I got to the end of the post and looked back at the title. I was expecting a “so I decided to do my own solo roadtrip without them using what I budgeted for and I got to see some amazing sights, meet amazing fellow travelers, and learn incredible things about myself.” hopefully OP takes this course of action instead and finds new friends.
That’s exactly what I’m doing! I’m going skiing in quebec with my siblings. Honestly, as much as it sucks that I couldn’t go, and how much it meant to me, I’m trying to make the best of a shitty situation!
Yeah, sorry, I have to agree with others and say they’re just not into you, so, sorry. YTA for trying too hard and most likely making them withdraw even more.
I’m 61. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It hurts like hell to feel excluded, especially when you’ve thought you’re getting on great with these people.
You need to learn two things that will help you through life a lot:
1) How to enjoy your own company. If you’re happy by yourself, you’re not as emotionally invested in the approval of others. Because you’re not as invested, you won’t come across as desperate. Oddly enough, the more cool and chill and happy to do your own thing you are, the more people will seek you out.
2) Learn to take the L and move on without whining, pestering, or trying to manipulate your way into groups or relationships. Learn to shrug and walk away with your head held high.
And, lastly, have a look around you at lectures or in groups. Who are the people on the outside? Who are the quiet ones sitting on the periphery of things? Often those are the people you make real, connected, long-lasting friendships with, rather than the noisy “popular” crowd.
Good luck with your studies and everything else.
NTA
The friend who backed out should have been told sorry, your spot’s taken now but we’ll include you next time.
They weren’t because – sorry – they didn’t want you to come. Sorry.
I think you need different friends.
**YTA (soft). This line says a lot.**
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That’s the problem. Your issues are yours, not theirs to manage.
You were a backup invite. When the original person came back, the seat was gone. That sucks, but it’s not wrong. After that, you kept trying to force a yes — extra car, new plans, asking them to “help make it work.” At that point, the trip stopped being about the trip and started being about your feelings.
It’s okay to be hurt. It’s not okay to expect a group to change plans because you’re afraid of being left out.
This reads less like bad friends and more like someone who doesn’t know when to take a no.
You are not the asshole, you’re their alternate. Your friends only wanted you when there was a space that you could fill and pay for. It’s a painful lesson to learn. Find some friends that ask you first.