So, I (m21) live at home with both of my grandparents, my mother and my half-brother. I usually have work during the week, but I’m sick right now, so I’m staying at home as advised by my doctor.
My grandpa (m74) came home today after being in the hospital for about a month now. I’m not comfortable going into detail as to why he was there, and since it’s mostly irrelevant for the post I’m not going to explain it any more than necessary.
His health has been getting worse due to his age and he needs more care now than ever before. We checked with the hospital and they said it’s possible to do everything at home. They showed us everything and were overall super nice and caring.
Now, my grandma is primarily the one taking care of him since everyone else is at work during the week. She called me for help today since I was home, as mentioned, due to being sick. I came downstairs and asked what she needed, I did my best, but wasn’t much of help at all, because my head was, and still is, hurting like hell. Things progressed and grandma got frustrated. One thing led to another and before I knew it they were yelling at each other. I tried to diffuse the situation, but failed to.
I then just went upstairs again, because I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve never handled yelling well, but with the headache and fever on top, I just felt too tired to deal with it. My mom came home shortly after and the first thing she does before even greet me, is come upstairs and lecture me about being selfish for not helping. Now I kinda feel bad because I didn’t try more.
AITA?
You’re sick wtf did she expect you to do when you likely feel like hammered shit? Nta
NTA. She shouldn’t have asked for your help in the first place due to the risk of spreading your illness to your grandfather.
NTA. You came when asked and did your best. You tried to help and weren’t able.
I’m gonna hope your mom isn’t usually like this and is just highly stressed by the situation with your grandpa. Maybe it fucked an important/stressful work day up or something, which is not an excuse but might be a reason, at least.
Hope you feel better soon.
NTA. Unless they want your grandpa and grandma to catch your illness- you should stay in your room until you feel better.
NTA. Not only did you feel sick, but you still tried your best to help, stopping only when it became too much for you. You did nothing wrong.
“Mom, now that tempers have hopefully had a chance to cool, I want to clarify what happened. I *did* go down to help. I know I wasn’t as helpful as I could have been if I’d been well, but I did my best under the circumstances. But at a certain point, things started escalating between Grandma and Grandpa and I was unfortunately unable to defuse the situation. At the time, the only thing left for me to do was to remove myself… Even now, I’m not sure what else I could have done in the moment. So what *exactly* do you think I should have done? Hopefully next time a situation like that happens, I’ll be healthy, so feel free to answer assuming that.”
NTA. It’s really easy for people to second-guess situations they weren’t involved in (hence part of why this subreddit is so popular 😉), but it sounds like you genuinely did your best in a challenging situation despite feeling unwell.
If your Mom genuinely thinks your grandparents need more help, then that’s a valid discussion of who should be around to help them out… But if they need that level of help, a sick grandchild is the wrong choice of the person to be available
To clarify: My grandma actually defended me infront of her and said I did attempt to help, sorry if my post didn’t make that clear. But even after that she thinks I still didn’t do enough.
Then your grandma gets a complete pass (it’s hard to be a caregiver, so a certain amount of “getting frustrated” in the moment is to be expected), and only your mother is exhibiting AH-ish behavior by disregarding the consistent story she’s getting from the people who were actually present
Take your gran out for a cocktail when you’re feeling better.
NTA – In what world is staying away from a recently hospitalized 74 year old man while you are **sick** selfish? I would have refused to even try to help just on the basis of not wanting to risk him catching whatever I’m ill with.
Didn’t either your Mom or your Grandmother stop to think you could have passed your illness to your Grandfather? He is sick and older. Not a good idea for you to be around him at all.
Once you feel better, you should help when possible. I’m sure being a full time caregiver is very hard. Grandma probably doesn’t feel good either, but gets no breaks. Your whole family should step up to this hard plate! Grandma needs a little break to reenergize and know she’s not alone! Many hands make light work. Plus, you will miss grandpa if he doesn’t recover. I bet he hates feeling useless .
NTA. You should not be around your recovering grandfather if you’re sick. It would be bad for everyone involved.