As a kid (4 y/0) my grandparents moved to a small town to retire. It’s isolated, about a 6 hour drive from the closest city. Their decision was a valid decision, they wanted somewhere to retire, I understand that.
My Mum then followed them and moved to the same town. As I grew up, I absolutely hated it. There was very little to do, I did not have many friends, and even no friends at some points. I am into skating and the skating scene was absolutely non existent. We didn’t have good facilities, there is no public transport, there is absolutely nothing to do for the youth whatsoever.
I didn’t realise the severity of what I lacked growing up until I moved away, and ever since I have been grieving the childhood I never had. I made my hobby a profession, but it is an age sensitive activity, so I see myself growing up as a complete waste of my life.
I understand that they have the choice of where they want to live, but my parents (separated) are both unhappy. They are antisocial, they are daily marijuana users, they did not do anything to maintain healthy relationships with their kids. My father was heavily depressed and has resorted to antidepressants, while only having a work>sit at home routine without any change in his lifestyle. My mother constantly complains about everything in her life, from her mortgage, to her job, to her having to maintain a house by herself. They didn’t go on any good family holidays, encourage us to travel, family dinners, no family outings, no fun nights. It is the lowest effort I have ever seen from parents for maintaining healthy relationships with their children.
On top of this, I would express how lonely I am, how we have nothing here, how depressed my town is making me, and instead of validation, they would blame me for my interests and how they don’t align with the area we live in. Another note I will add, my mother is extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative, and my father is not capable of having an emotional conversation whatsoever.
I would understand if they were happy here, but they aren’t. As an adult I really can’t fathom not weighing up what a place has to offer before moving and raising a child somewhere in isolation. I endured such an under-stimulating childhood/adolescence because my family wanted to live in isolation and get high every day. I expressed I would love to go to more places, see the world, they reply that it is too expensive, while putting $200+ weekly to drug use.
The resentment I feel for the childhood they robbed from me is turning into complete hatred. I have a beautiful girlfriend, and her parents have lust for life, interests, love to travel, love to go out, experience life, maintain healthy and enriching relationships with their kids. I think this shocking contrast between them and my parents really just make me look at them like scum or vermin. I don’t want anything to do with them anymore.
NTA But spending your time resenting and hating them is not healthy. Many of us had unfavorable childhoods. It’s best to just use your life experience to make informed decisions for the future. If that includes cutting them off and living your life to the fullest, go for it.
I think you need to let the resentment go. It is only hurting you, they are unaffected.
It’s not like they acted out of malice, or they were living a great life and leaving you home alone bored. You were just unfortunate to be raised by boring people.
But now you can choose to follow the example of your gf’s family
YTA. This attitude of blaming everyone else because my life wasn’t perfect is very off-putting and entitled. You were dealt a certain hand as a child, and it wasn’t even the worst hand you could have been dealt (see: Sascha Riley). Why are you wasting precious time being resentful and angry at others for living THEIR LIVES the way they see fit. You can’t go through the world feeling like it (and other people) owe you anything.
Think about it, you could have been raised in Skating Town U.S.A., gotten the best trainers and coaches and still not made the cut. Who would you blame then? Or you made the cut and were on your way to great accomplishment at a young age when you snapped your ankle in a bad fall. Oops. Nothing your parents could have done would come with any guarantees. Maybe your outcome would have been worse. Maybe in a big city you might have gotten lured by a bad crowd, took the fall for some stupid stunt and are sitting in a prison at this age, life completely ruined.
Count your blessings. And now that you’re an adult, healthy, intelligent and ambitious, get out there and make the best of it! Do what you wanna do! Make friends! Travel! Pursue your hobbies! Sitting on the internet blaming your past for where you are (or aren’t) right now is pointless. Take charge! Your future is in your hands.
youre not wrong for being upset but you need therapy yesterday. the way you refer to how they live their lives, the way you view antidepressants, overall major concerning sticking point. recover and move on. whats past is past.
Sometimes it is productive to reflect on the past, but OP needs to find a way to move on.
It’s impossible to say what could have been and not really fair either. We all have to come to terms with our childhoods and not let it be something that continues to impact our here and now.
OP, kindly, you need to talk to a therapist. They can give you the tools to make peace with your life.
It’s time to put your resentment to rest and move on. Your pain is valid, but at this point, it sounds like you are giving it way more energy than is productive.
I’d say YTA. From what I’m getting out of this, you resent your parents because you grew up in a small town instead of a city. Pretty selfish to ask your mom to move 6 hours away from her parents so you can skate more. As an adult now, surely you realize it is higher cost of living to be in a city than a small town. And not everyone has the skills to be able to afford that higher cost of living. Your childhood wasn’t perfect? Whose was? Suck it up, make your own decisions as an adult that make you happy. Call your mom from time to time because she’s still your mom. And ask yourself, if you had a kid who wanted to live where your parents moved to if you’d be willing to uproot your life and move to a small town just because that’s what a kid wanted.
You’re not an AH for feeling sadness and resentment, but it’s also not exactly fair. Moving to be near the grandparents isn’t really a selfish move. BUT, you glossed so quickly over the $200 for drugs. This isn’t about where they raised you. It’s about how. A therapist or even just some good YouTube videos focused on internal family systems may do you a world of good. Healing that kid that still lives inside you could be truly life changing.