Hey!
So I (22M) met Max (fake name, 23M) when we were 14 in secondary school.
Back then I was one of those dumb kids who thought that telling my friend’s partner they were cheating was breaking the bro-code (extremely dumb thought, I know, I grew out of it).
Well, Max and I were REALLY close back then, and he was the type of people to date 10 different girls in a year, constantly cheating on them.
After secondary school we grew apart but still followed each other on insta and spoke sometimes. In the beginning of December he sent me a message after months of not talking, he asked if I could lie to his GF of 3 years (21F) bout spending Christmas with him after losing my father and having nowhere to go (My father is pretty much alive) because he needed to do something else and his GF wouldn’t understand since Christmas is extremely important to her (I had to lie cuz apparently she was suspecting him of cheating). I told him I’m uncomfortable with it and he insisted, I asked what was the important thing he had to do.
His answer "the hottest woman I’ve ever seen" and he explained that he has been talking to her for a few months now, that it is purely sexual (sending nudes) and that she’s coming to his city to be with family for Christmas so it’s his only opportunity. (That woman’s family celebrates the 24th, so she’s free the 25th, while his gf celebrates the 25th).
He was EXTREMELY annoying for over 2 weeks, he sent me a pic of his mistress as an argument, telling me that if I wasn’t gay I would find her extremely hot. He was so annoying and insisting that I ended up accepting. Few days later his gf called me to ask me about the Christmas we were gonna spend and I told her the truth, she stopped the call immediately, I sent her screenshots of him sending me pics of the girl and messages asking me to lie, she answered "thanks" and that’s it.
Max sent me a lot of aggressive messages saying I ruined his relationship, that I broke the bro-code and that I’m a huge asshole, I answered that we’re not 14 anymore and that if he wants to be in a relationship while fucking around he should get into an open relationship. He told me I’m a traitor with many other insults before blocking me.
At first I thought I wasn’t the asshole, but I can’t stop feeling guilty, asked to friends what they thought and the reactions are mixed, 2 friends told me I’m the asshole for lying to him instead of telling him that I’ll tell his gf the truth if she called me, my boyfriend and 3 other friends said I’m not the asshole at all. AITA?
Small update: the reason I didn’t contact her immediately is because she doesn’t have social media (in exception of WhatsApp) and I didn’t have her number, when I agreed I was basically waiting for him to give her my number and call me. And I thought he wasn’t cheating anymore since he had a stable girlfriend for 3 years, we haven’t been actual friends since we stopped going to secondary school, about 5 years ago.
NTA. hes the one that cheated and did wrong; you are not obligated whatsoever to cover for him, especially because you were not comfortable with it. You did his girlfriend a huge favour, and if you were her, you would definitely appreciate the honesty. Don’t feel guilty about it, hes the asshole in all ways here
NTA. He pressured you for weeks to lie about something huge. When his girlfriend directly asked, telling the truth was the only ethical option
NTA…you saved that poor lady a lot of time and heartache. A friend who asks you to lie is not a friend you need.
“We are not 14 anymore” line goes so hard