Some necessary background information. A few months before this story starts there had been some issues I (21F) was having with Andy (22NB) in our friendship that I brought up, we had briefly talked about it and they had apologized and we agreed that we wanted to remain friendly, as they were living with our mutual friend (22F) Max.
The story starts a few months after Andy and I had last spoken. Max and I were extremely close and it was her birthday at the end of the month. It was a few weeks before Max’s birthday that Max informed me that Andy had blocked me on instagram, but I did not think much of it because I knew that Andy had some personal matters going on at the time and was off socials for the most part. Max and I had planned out their birthday and I was due to stay in their apartment that they shared with Andy for a weekend. Max asked Andy and her other roommate for permission to invite me over, which Andy apparently seemed somewhat hesitant to, but agreed.
The first time I saw Andy was the day of the party. There were several times they would come in the living room, which is where Max and I were hanging out. During these times Andy would engage Max in conversation but would completely ignore my existence. When they walked in I would tell them hi as to not be rude, however they acted as if they could not even hear me. I thought this was odd but because nothing was said to me, I figured that they just did not want to talk and did not press further.
The night of the party a few people came over. I later found out that Andy was warning these people, who did not know me, that I was at the party, however they did not explain why. At the party we played several games. Andy was very cold to me and would ignore me when I asked them anything for the game. Eventually they snapped at me for asking once about when their brothers birthday was during a conversation about family and sibling birthdays. They told me I “didnt need to know that information” and “why would I ask them that”. A hush fell over the room and I apologized, acknowledging that they did not need to tell me anything that they didnt want to. They immediately left the room and gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the night.
Afterwards I was very shaken up and a different mutual friend of Andy and I inquired about what had happened, to which I explained that they ignored me and snapped at me in front of everyone. This mutual friend reached out to Andy, who told them I “was obsessed with them” and that I needed serious psychological help and overstepped their boundaries when I was attempting to acknowledge them the day of the party. Andy had not communicated that they did not want to talk, and besides saying hi to them once or twice that day, the only other time I attempted to talk to them was during the birthday conversation.
So, AITA for acknowledging them at the party? Was I supposed to deduce they didn’t want to talk and just ignore them back?
NTA. If Andy wanted NC then they should have communicated that to you. You’re not a mind reader, and they shouldn’t expect that from you.
NTA – but should have definitely deduced by the time the party came that they didnt want to talk to you.
I mean, couldn’t have be clearer.
Man I know an Andy who would totally act like this. NTA
damn, sorry an Andy also haunts your narrative
[removed]
Max had told them a few weeks before and then followed up the week before that I was there to stay in the apt but that I would be staying in Max’s room so I wouldn’t be taking up too much shared space so they were definitely aware. And I 100% should have texted in theory but I heard about the instagram thing and assumed that meant they wanted to keep digital communication to a minimum
Interacting on a personal level is different to interacting on a group level like at a party.