My partner had invited me on a trip to London/ UK to visit his friends. I was given the dates, I got PTO approved for work, and everything was fine. Then the dates changed, I’m not able to go, and I tell him he should just go on his own, it’s a trip to see his friends (in a supportive way, not sure how that reads). He then says he feels guilty because he wanted me to go, yatta, yatta, but I’m just checked out and mentally done with the conversation since he was going on his own, which is fine, but again to me that was it, decision made. Then he comes up up to me again with a new proposal and I stop him saying “I can’t keep having this conversation, I’m done talking about it”. He pushed, and it escalated from there. Then as we’re walking to one of his friends events, he’s walking a block ahead of me, telling me to hurry up, and when I asked him if he even wanted me to go, he said I could go home…Now we’re not talking, I’ve apologized for my behavior, just because I dont want to fight, but he won’t…. He says he didn’t do anything wrong…. Idk, I know this stupid, but am I overreacting and aita???
NTA. Your partner can’t seem to not get his way on things. It may be time for some couples counseling.
Or a new partner.
NTA. You don’t owe any apologies, he does. When someone tells them they don’t want to talk about something they’ve already talked about, they need to drop it. Your partner doesn’t appear to accept that concept. Does he have to have the last word about everything? Sorry, but he’s a jerk.
NTA
NAH, both of you need to learn to communicate. You can’t solve a problem by not talking about it. Have you considered couples counseling?
NTA but neither is he? He clearly wanted to take this trip with you and is trying to make it work and idk I just there’s a more polite way of handling this scenario than just saying “I’m done having this conversation.” Is that a “boundary being pushed”? Or does it even have to be a “boundary” at all? Relationship boundaries are for things like personal space, career ambitions, etc. Saying “you’re not allowed to talk about that” isn’t a “boundary”, it’s controlling. Did you ever think he maybe planned this trip so YOU could meet his friends and now that that’s not happening, he’s trying to make it work? Idk I think you’re willfully refusing to see his side in the issue
He came to you with a new proposal, and you wouldn’t even hear him out. What if he has found a way to make the dates you were available work?
Eh. I mean it’s clearly important to him but it seems you just hard dropped the conversation a little early if it was that important to him you go.
Sounds like you both need to work a bit on how you navigate conflict. I’ll go with NTA but definitely time for you both to review together how you want to handle conflict with eachother.
It kind of seems as if he’s trying to make it work out so you could come. Possibly to him the issue was still on the table and you’ve checked out of the situation. Why have you checked out the situation?
The constant date changing. Initially it was late April after I finish school (I’m in grad school and work full time), I could get time off from work, then it was march and I couldn’t go because of school, which would’ve been fine, I’m happy to see him go on his own!!! But then it kept on changing and I can’t keep up
Sounds like you have a schedule that doesn’t have a lot of room for flexibility.
Also sounds Like you had a date that was solid enough for you to go and ask for time off from work… Which you did. And I get at this point you can’t keep going to your boss and asking for different days off.
NTA for being frustrated.
I don’t see how he was in the wrong, since it sounds like he was trying to find a way to be able to get you to come along.
Why do you think he owes you an apology?
Idk… I wouldn’t say you’re an AH per se, but you do sound passive aggressive. My verdict largely depends on why the dates were changed in the first place. This clearly matters to him a lot, and once the dates changed you became unwilling to discuss it further without any explanation to him.
Being on the receiving end of your shutdown honestly sounds exhausting, but I’d vote no assholes present without knowing the reasons for the change in the first place.