I (20F) have some serious mental health issues. I was removed from school in the seventh grade as my mental health was so bad I couldn’t get through the day without having a breakdown. I never went back to school and haven’t graduated or gotten a job because of these issues, though I am close to finishing my GED. I feel I need to explain this to give context here.
On the actual post. My grandmother lives with my parents and I. Usually this is a completely normal experience, she really loves me and I love her too and we usually get along. There’s just one issue for me, and it’s that she keeps her TV extremely loud. I can hear it in my room even with vents blocked and my door closed. She watches nearly only game shows, the Great American Family channel, Fox News, and Victory News. I have overstimulation issues. When I get overstimulated my options to get silence are to try and bury my head under blankets and pillows or entirely leave the house as I can’t afford noise cancelling headphones. She will not turn her TV down. It doesn’t matter if we ask her too.
I’m currently sick and on my period. Like hacking up a lung, voice shot, running a fever sick. I’m overstimulated and I just want to sleep because I feel so drained. But her TV is so loud and it’s driving me crazy. I went to my mom’s room to ask her to ask my grandma to her TV down because I can’t work up the energy to walk downstairs and ask her myself. She told that I know she won’t turn it down and I’ll be honest when I say I snapped. I told my mom that my grandma’s TV volume is more important than us and she got upset with me. She told me to leave her room because I clearly wasn’t in a state to be talking. When I told her that it’s not like I was lying, she ignored me so I went back to my room.
I’m feeling pretty guilty right now. My grandma’s gone through a lot, and maybe I was cruel for saying this and she should be allowed to have her TV at whatever volume she wants. I want to know if I’m TA here, and if I should apologize to my mom for saying that about my grandma.
Your parents can buy her wireless headphones that connect to the TV so only she can hear it. You can put subtitles on for her and she can enjoy programs even when the volume is at a normal level.
Those two options worked for my parents when they were old.
ask your mom to get grandmas headphones for her tv. more than likely she is hard of hearing that is why the volume is so high.
I’m guessing your grandmother has hearing issues (even if not diagnosed) and that’s why she listens to it so loud.
Would your parents be willing to look at adding soundproof insulation between your rooms (I know a pain with the floor), or possibly rugs on your floor to help reduce the carrying sound?
Hmmm grandma probably can’t hear. And ear plugs are pretty cheap. I bought a bunch for a kid I was working with that had overstimulation problems as the camp tends to have loud moments. They are pretty cheap. And save up for noise cancelling headphones. You don’t need top of the line ones. Based on info given, I’ll say NAH for saying how you felt. It would be nice but it cannot be expected for everyone to accommodate you. You are responsible for finding a solution for yourself
Have you tried soundproof headphones for yourself? It sounds like a may be a better solution than headphones for your grandma unfortunately :/
NTA. Grandma needs hearing aids
honestly this just sounds like two nervous systems colliding. you’re sick and fried and she probably can’t hear well and isn’t thinking about how loud it carries. what you said came from being overwhelmed, not from cruelty, but you’ll probably feel better if you own the snap and then look for a fix instead of turning it into more
NTA, it’s torture to try have loud noise you can’t escape like that. You are a minor so it’s not like you can leave. I hope your family has invested in therapy and stuff for you instead of just pulling you out of school.
I mean, I definitely get where you’re coming from, but I guess light YTA for making it your mother’s problem and blaming her for it. You could talk to your grandma yourself, no?
Also, by the way, earplugs are a consideration here.
NTA. I’m sorry you’re not being heard when you’re already feeling rotten.
Unfortunately, even though you’re not TA, you’re the one who will have to make the situation better for yourself.
There’s a good chance that, even after a reasonable conversation, your grandmother won’t change things, and your parents aren’t going to bat for you on this. It’s time to look for practical ways to improve your own environment.
Have you tried earplugs? The foam ones are pretty cheap. Maybe you could listen to some white noise videos on YouTube with a pair of regular headphones? I’m sure there are tons of other options. Hopefully some people here can help you troubleshoot.
Grandma is obviously losing her hearing, otherwise she wouldn’t need the TV sound loud.
Either she needs hearing aids that can be linked to the TV (I can turn the room audio off and still hear everything), or at least ear buds which Bluetooth to the TV.
I’d like to echo another person and say to try earplugs for a cheap immediate remedy.
I’m also going to echo that grandma is probably losing her hearing. If she isn’t aware of the issue, you could gently make her aware that she might want to see a hearing doctor.
I’m going with NTA. You get a pass because you’re sick and miserable on top of overstimulated. Does Grandma know you’re super sick? If she does, maybe she would turn it down at least until you’re feeling better.
Get her headphones
ESH
Earplugs are cheap at the dollar store or Walmart; get a set, they will save you. I do own noise-canceling headphones but often default to the earplugs, especially when sickness or the need to double up is involved.
Your mother sucks for not acknowledging that Grandma’s TV volume is actively disturbing the other members of the household. Grandma does not live there alone and shouldn’t be allowed to keep her TV at volume 72,000 at all times.
Grandma sort of sucks here but she may not realise that her hearing has gone that much. Have a gentle, polite conversation with her. Ask her if closed captioning is something she could use.
I also wonder if the volume is a means of passive aggression. It is with my parents – it’s not just loud all the time but it gets louder if you talk or pretty much do anything – so I bought a universal remote to keep things to a dull roar. They need a new TV and I am looking for one with a volume limiter because Jesus Fucking Christ what I walk into after work sometimes*
(I don’t live with my parents full-time. I am a caregiver for my mother at the moment.)