Hello,
I (22M) have been going to my boyfriends (23M) house for months now, and of course, during those visits I’ve had dinner with his family plenty of times. However, this time I received the news that I was rude to my MIL by my boyfriend.
We were having dinner, and MIL started putting more food on my plate even though I didn’t ask and had already served myself with food. When she asked if I wanted more while serving me the food, I said "please dont worry, If I want more I’ll take more, thank you". I said it smiling, calm and to me it wasn’t a big deal, to me I was being polite, since in my house serving people when they don’t ask mid dinner is considered rude. So that was my mindset at the time.
My boyfriend after the dinner was a bit upset with me, I asked what was going on, he then told me I had been rude to his mother, he then explained that MIL was serving me food to clean the pan and that iT was obvious that if I couldnt eat it, he would have and MIL knew that.
But I didn’t, I was the only one who was unaware of that unspoken rule, now I don’t know if I was really rude or not.
AITA?
NTA. I thought the unspoken rule was to inform your partner of anything they need to know before meeting the parents. This is a good opportunity to ask him if there’s anything else you need to know because his failure to inform you the first time is the reason why his mom is upset, not yours.
Yes, plus, it’s rude to force food onto your guests.
NTA. No one should be putting food on your plate but you.
INFIO: Why didn’t she just put it on his plate if it was so obvious he would finish any extra?
NTA
BF just wanted the rest of the food!
You’re not married. She isn’t your mother-in-law. NTA.
I don’t think you were rude, but just say “no thank you” next time. And why would she put it on your plate if she was sure that he was going to eat it? Makes no sense. Like a test that she wanted you to fail.
I’m not your mom’s trash can.
You weren’t rude. NTA
First…you do not have a MIL until you are married. Second, your bf is wrong here. He should have politely intervened and offered to have seconds. And third, MIL was wrong to assume that you’d want more and put food on a guest’s plate. That said, I’d be clear with your bf that he is in the wrong admonishing you. Then I’d take a closer look for some time at how your relationship is functioning around family and friends.
I agree NOT a MIL, and beyond that I wonder why you refer to her as yours. BIG difference between boyfriend and husband, and it is overstepping to call her that, and wonder if there are other areas you are overstepping.
You were a guest, and your response about getting yourself might have sounded a little pushy, disrespectful of your hosts, maybe a little too “at home”, which it is NOT your home, just like she is not your MIL.
Ask yourself if you are taking liberties where you shouldn’t and if you are, you might be the a.
You were not rude. Your MIL is trying to manipulate the situation so that your bf turns on you and it worked. Stand your ground and don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. Your bf sounds like a mamas boy who needs to grow up.
So your boyfriend’s mom was treating you like you were the garbage can? YIKES ON BIKES. If it was all so “obvious” why didn’t she just scrape the unwanted food onto your BF’s plate?