I (18F) let my friend (18F) borrow my black boots for a night out because she said they matched her outfit perfectly and she didn’t have anything similar. I didn’t really want to at first, but she promised she’d “take care of them” and bring them right back the next day.
For context, they weren’t brand new, but they were in good shape. Just normal wear, no heavy scuffs or dirt all over them.
She brought them back the next afternoon and they looked completely different. The toes were all scuffed up, there was dust and dirt all over them, and the soles had grime packed into them. They honestly looked like they’d been dragged through gravel.
I asked her what happened and she said it was just a regular night out and that “they’re shoes, they’re supposed to get dirty.” I told her I get that, but if you borrow something from someone, you return it how you got it or at least clean them before giving them back.
She immediately got defensive and said I was “doing too much” and acting like they were designer. They’re not designer, but they weren’t cheap either. I never asked her to replace them or pay me, just to wipe them down and clean them properly. She refused and said I’m trying to make her feel bad over “some dusty boots.”
Here’s part of our texts:
Me: why did you bring them back like this
Her: like what
Me: they’re literally covered in dirt
Her: they’re shoes…
Me: you could’ve at least cleaned them
Her: girl ur dragging it
Me: it’s basic respect
Her: i’m not doing all that
Now she’s telling mutual friends that I’m petty and trying to start drama over shoes. A couple people said I should just clean them myself and move on because “it’s not that serious.”
I don’t think I’m wrong for expecting basic courtesy when someone borrows my stuff, but maybe I’m being too rigid about it.
AITA?
NTA
Borrow a vehicle. Fill it up with gas. Borrow a tool, get them a gift card to hardware store. Borrow a wheel barrow, clean it out. Borrow anything you return it nicer than you got it. Sounds like you never have to let her borrow anything again. I wouldn’t ruin a friendship over it but now you know.
It’s common courtesy when you borrow something to give it back clean.
NTA: You are absolutely right when you borrowed something from someone you are supposed to returned the same way you got them. She should have cleaned your boots it’s about respected other people things. Now you have learned a valuable lesson don’t lend her anything else
NTA
But she is never going to clean the shoes, or admit she did anything wrong. You need to take this knowledge and never loan her anything again.
Anything borrowed should be returned in the same or better condition than lent. That’s the borrowers thank you for the loan.
Do not ever lend her any of your stuff again because she doesn’t care about your stuff – just her own happiness.
NTA. An unspoken rule is to always return things in even better condition then you recived them, as a way of saying thanks for borrowing them.
Nta. Lesson learned. Neither a borrower or a lender be.
Here’s the thing if someone returns something really dirty and it’s something that you halfway care about I wouldn’t necessarily trust them to clean it responsibly and not damage it while trying to clean it. So I would probably just clean it myself instead of waiting for them to clean it.
She would be an ex-friend if it was me. She is TA. She doesn’t care or respect you. Dump her 🤷♀️
Borrow a dress from her. Go out, get covered in beer and maybe a splash of red wine. Then return it without washing
This is the trouble with so many people these days. You can’t bring even a small issue to them and think you’ll get a reasonable response. People do not know how to humble themselves and say they’re sorry. They’d rather attack you for telling them they did something wrong. NTA
NTA. I would never lend her anything ever again. I’d also be very cautious about lending anything to all those who said returning something damaged was no big deal. {If you borrow anything of theirs, don’t bother cleaning it and see what happens then. I’ll bet “that’s different”.}
NTA. My advice? Clean the boots. Dump the friend.
She acts like an entitled gritch. I would not lend her another thing. What a pice of work.