We’re both mid-20s and have been dating for a few years. This blew up into a bigger fight than I ever intended it to be. I’m posting mostly because I was so sure of myself at the time, but looking back now I’m really questioning if I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
This new restaurant recently opened up by our house and it’s all the rave around town. We had talked about trying it together but it’s hard because we only have 1 common day off (Sunday). Football has been on and we usually spend the whole day lounging. It just hadn’t panned out yet.
Tonight he texted me while I was at work that he and his parents were trying the restaurant. I texted back and said “you’re going to the place I wanted to try with you?” Then I sent another text that read “Wtf”
Some context here, he has a history of refusing to go places with me because he just went there with whoever. There is one place in particular that has a location right next to his job. I have wanted to go for so long but because he has it 1-3 times a week for lunch, he doesn’t wanna go with me. This may or may not actually apply to this situation, but it gives context to my reaction.
His response was bad. He said that he hoped I was kidding because if I wasn’t, I have serious issues. He said it disgusted him that I would say that about him eating with his parents. When I read the texts, I got really mad. Admittedly I was starving and really busy at work, so maybe not in the best mood. I said he was playing victim and that it had nothing to do with his parents. He argued that we only talked about going together “once or twice”, and said that he’ll let his parents know he needs permission for certain places next time.
I asked him why, given his history, he couldn’t have just said “we can still go”. He said because I didn’t deserve a sweet response after bitching about it. In the end he never even offered to go again with me. I told him he has issues too. It was just… a bad fight.
Should I have kept my stupid mouth shut? I definitely shouldn’t have sent the “wtf” text, but did I really deserve that response? AITA here?
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I literally ask my fiancé if she wants to come to the store with me because I know she’d rather be with me than at the house alone. If he doesn’t know you well enough or care enough about you to at least extend the invite, that’s kinda wild to me. Worst case scenario if it’s a family dinner with the parents paying, I’d still offer to pay for her food if she could tag along
NTA
So he said he wanted to go with you. He wouldn’t make arrangements to go with you. He went with someone else instead. He will likely refuse to go with you (based in past experiences). And he’s telling you that you are the problem? This is probably something that happens regularly in your relationship and you have just been glossing over it. You need to examine your relationship thoroughly because this isn’t healthy at all. It’s like he wants you to feel left out and when you do he gets upset with you, wonder why he would do that?
Just go by yourself. It’s not a big deal. You should be able to do fun things alone or with other people, too. You’re your own person.
I don’t disagree and it’s not like I couldn’t go alone. I just felt slighted at the time :/
That’s because most people would be apologetic in this situation. He is the AH.
nta.
there’s probably a lot of other things you wou like to do or you prefer that he dismisses you.
find a guy that is more caring, not so selfish and just……a nicer person.
he sounds like an azz.
NTA but you will be to yourself if you continue to stay with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you. My boyfriend will go to the same place every day of the WEEK if I want to, because he loves me and doesn’t care because it means we get to be together. Meanwhile you are having to beg your partner just to give you the basic respect of going to a restaurant he KNEW you wanted to go to with him.
Seriously, sit with yourself and consider if this is what you want for the rest of your life. You are only in your mid 20’s, do you want to STILL be arguing like this when you are in your 70’s? Do not fall into the trap of “but we’ve been together so long”. Doesn’t matter if it’s been 20 days or 20 years, you deserve a partner who respects and adores you
Break up. He doesnt think about you first and that doesnt get better with time.
NTA because there’s a repeated pattern of him excluding you from places you want to try. There’s zero reason in an on demand, everything’s recorded society that you can’t miss a football game and go out to eat. If he’s eating at places 3x a week, he could’ve brought you back some takeout. He’s gotten way too complacent.
You need to text/talk to him that you were upset because you had spoke about experiencing this particular restaurant for the first time together and now you don’t get to do that. And secondly, he has a history of not wanting to go back to places that he has recently been which made you feel like not only has he taken away that first time experience, he has taken away being able to go to that restaurant together.
As such, you felt like he was effectively disregarding you and being inconsiderate and therefore you got upset. Say you could have expressed your hurt and disappointment better but that does not negate the reason you were upset.
NTA
I want to say NTA if he’s genuinely doing this a lot where he subconsciously “limits” where you guys can go for dinner if he goes with other people. However, if he isn’t aware that he’s doing this and has no idea that you’ve started to feel this urgency to try new places with him before it’s “gone”? I can understand why he’d be so weirded out over how possessive you are of new restaurants you want to try with him especially since it’s just his parents. How often is he actually doing this tho? You might need to talk to him about it and/or do some introspection on why this became a concept internally.
P.S. the last comment about not deserving a sweet response after bitching about it is quite vengeful and spiteful.
NTA and, unless you plan never to speak to this person again, you definitely shouldn’t have kept your mouth shut.
He just showed you that, even after a few years of dating, you’re still just an afterthought in his life. You deserve better. We all deserve to be a priority to our partner.
(and reading the comments, there’s a lot of people who need to learn to be better partners around here)