My (40M) parents (70s) have been going through my childhood room. Every time they visit, they bring a minivan full of 1980s vintage toys, clothes, music instruments, text books from the 90s, old books, video games, etc.
They are always excited to say that MY kids will love to play with them. Or love wearing the clothes. Or learn to play the instruments. Or play the video games.
My kids simply aren’t interested in playing with GIJoes from the 80s. Or G1 transformers. Or playing with instruments from my elementary school days. Or wearing 30-35 year old clothes. Or playing old NES games.
We have a small single story house. Very small attic. No basement. And there’s literally nowhere to put all of this stuff from my childhood. And the kids are only interested in toys and clothes that THEY pick out around their birthday and holiday.
So, I started looking on eBay. Some of these toys and video games are worth WAY more than I thought, so I started selling things one after another. And the clothes I ended up donating. Apparently acid washed jeans aren’t in style anymore.
On the next trip, my parents started wondering where all my old childhood stuff went, so I told them I started selling things on eBay because we don’t have the room and the kids aren’t interested. This made my mother livid that I would do that against her wishes to give my childhood to my kids.
In her mind, those toys were bought by HER (for my birthdays) and SHE owns them. She said that anything else that’s left in my room will be given away to the church. You know what stinks about that? My old Pokémon and magic collection is still there… the church is about to get dozens of mint first run cards.
I feel like I destroyed our relationship with this move and it’s got me down. They’ve always been there for me and my kids, but there hasn’t been a text or call from them in weeks.
Go grab your pokemon cards. Tell them you collected them and it’s the only thing your kids might be interested in.
INFO: how far is the drive? go get those cards TOMORROW
Right!?!?! First run mint Pokémon cards are worth so much now.
You know what would be awesome? If he had gone back to get his childhood crap 15-20 years ago instead of letting it sit there forever, giving his parents ideas.
You are not wrong. You are resourceful. Your parents are a bit controlling. NTA
NTAH
These items were gifts to you. From that birthday onward, they were yours.
And you can do whatever you want with YOUR stuff.
I would drive over and get your cards..
NTA, and that’s your stuff. Gifts are yours, doesn’t matter if she paid for them. You could technically go after her for theft (though they would DEFINITELY view you as an AH for that).
Maybe try to have a compassionate conversation, acknowledge her hurt feelings but maintain what you’ve said. Your kids weren’t interested so you sold your stuff. Nothing wrong with that.
So she wanted to unload all of this old junk on you, and she thought she had a say over what you did with it? That’s ridiculous. NTA. Go get your Pokemon cards if you really want them.
NTA but I will say my teen daughter loved getting all my old sweatshirts from high school. She wears them all the time. And they are from the late 80s early 90s.
NTA, but from the impression I get overhearing coworkers into Magic, and getting the impression Pokémon is similar, your Mom might be about to donate anywhere from a small to a large fortune in cards. Should’ve had her bring those first.
But I’m not sure she understands how gift giving works. That’s the point of the story. I’m amazed she kept your old room stocked with all your childhood stuff that long, too. And the fact that she’s just now deciding to bestow it on her grandkids.
I really don’t understand how it’s better to donate it to the church than to let you sell on eBay to turn it all into money that you can use for stuff they actually want, or their future. What’s the church going to do? Put some in some Sunday School play area, and throw away the rest?
NTA. But a very soft y t a for not getting the Magic cards before confessing. BTW, which church do they attend again?
They’re your toys. Sell them if you want.
NTA
So… I read through your post again, and the thing I don’t see is you TELLING your mother that you didn’t have the space for any more toys, and that you offered them to your kids, and they picked out what they wanted, but it wasn’t everything…
you don’t say anything about talking to or communicating with your mother about not being able to store this stuff…
my kids are 7 & 10. My mother in law has given us various things, including a crib… and when we’re done using those more sentimental things, I have always asked her “hey, do you want the crib back for any reason? If not we’re going to either pass it along, or cut up the wood and use it for different projects… so if you want it, please let us know!”
And when they gift us some ridiculous toy that can’t really be used at our house, I’ll ask her if she minds if it can be a “grandma’s house toy”… they have some remote control airplanes that stay at their house because we live on a small city lot and they are out in the country. And there are some other toys that they got from my sister-in-law that also live at grandma’s house because I don’t want them in my house and sister in law lives farther away than the grandparents do.
Yes, gifts are gifts, and you can do whatever you want with them… but if you want to maintain emotional connections and relationships with people then you have to understand the intention behind certain gifts, and communicate! To make sure everyone is on the same page about what will happen to them!
Might be that if you talked to your mother about it, she could bring things over, your kids could dig through the stuff, she could see that they didn’t want most of it, you could have mentioned how you were excited to see your Pokemon cards again, so could she please bring those? and then did she want to take the rest of the stuff the kids didn’t want back home? Or? You would be willing to give away or sell some of it if she wanted it out of their house?
I don’t think you’re the AH for selling some stuff… but you also have to understand the sentimental desires behind your mother’s gifts and work to communicate with her!
Your mother’s reaction was extreme, but if you interact with her regularly I’m struggling to believe you didn’t know what she was like before this situation blew up.
For your own peace of mind, communicate!
NTA. Go get those cards NOW!!!