My great grandfather passed away recently, but I had only briefly met him one time in my life as a kid and never even had a full conversation. Notably, he lives in Australia while I live in US. When he passed away, I messaged all my uncles and aunts (my great grandfather’s grandkids) the following: "Hello [name of aunt/uncle], I’m so sorry to hear about [grandfather’s name], you have my condolences.". I never really knew my great grandfather so I didn’t want to pretend I was hugely impacted, and I wanted to express sympathy / acknowledge what had happened to my aunts and uncles.
For whatever reason, one of my uncles, who seems to be the least affected by the death, got angry and replied "it’s your great grandfather". Then in person he stated that my message was just "generic". All my other aunts/uncles seemed to have appreciated the message.
Did I do something wrong or is it more so that he’s the one who’s deciding to take it the wrong way and making a problem of nothing? When my own grandfather passed away, I had my cousins who weren’t as close to my grandfather message me a similar message: "Hey [my name], sorry for your loss, my condolences.". I could have easily have said "It’s your grandfather as well" but I recognized that I was closer and they were simply trying to express sympathy and acknowledge our grandfather’s death.
I don’t deny that the message is generic, but it get the point across and I would be faking it if I wrote a lot more, as again, I didn’t know my great grandfather. It’s also not like my uncle or any other family member messaged or called me either.
Also interestingly enough, the only uncle who responded negatively has been going about their days smiling and laughing while everyone else seems somber and sad.
NTA: I think your message was very kind and it’s very thoughtful of you. Your uncle has the problem not you. I wouldn’t pay him any mind.
NTA. There’s a reason it’s generic: it’s appropriate for a lot of situations—for instance, the death of a distant relative you barely knew (distant in more than one way!). It’s as if you said “Thank you” or “Excuse me” to someone and they bawled you out for lack of originality. You were polite; your uncle was not. I’m glad others were. That tells you something right there.
I don’t know what else you were supposed to say. It’s generic because that’s the sentiment you want to express when someone dies. NTA
NTA but condolences aren’t about how well you knew the person who died, it’s about words of comfort to people that lost someone they did know well. You could have added, I wish I’d known him better. Assuming you know your aunts/uncles more you could have been a little less formal.