I(20M) been with my girlfriend(20F) officially for about 3 months but we’ve known each other for over a year. Before we got together I had a crush on her while still talking to other girls. Most of it was platonic but there was one girl I flirted with earlier in the year and tried to hang out with a few times nothing ever happened. I also saved a snap of her that I thought was cute this was all before my current girlfriend and I were in a relationship.
I can confessed my feelings to my now girlfriend in August. We didn’t officially start dating until Early november, cause she wanted to talk in person, which was at school in October, due to family issues(no boyfriend till after college, a family rule caused her to hesitate)from september onward and especially when we came official I’ve been loyal and committed.
Recently a female friend I’ve known since high school(purely platonic she even dated one of my friends) messaged me cause she hadn’t seen me in a long time, the topic on hair came out and I sent her a 10-second video showing my grown out hair/manbun that’s it nothing flirty, the chat was innocent.
My girlfriend asked to go through my phone I hesitated it but agreed(she treats me hesitating like I cheated straight up) she found old messages from before we were together and the recent video and she’s extremely upset about both, treating it like a major betrayal.
I admit the video might have been unnecessary to send as a taken guy but nothing physical or emotional happened and most of what she’s upset about is before we were even together. The reaction feels disproportionate to what I actually did.
AITA?
NTA. Maybe your gf has been cheated on in the past and saw your hesitation as guilt.
If I may, she is very territorial about me, I doubt this is the case.
She treats it like disrespect , the flirting before we were together that is.
You’re allowed to have female friends.
Your gf of 3 months asking to go through your phone is a red flag in my book.
NTA.
Because she found the texts and the video, she is convinced she was in the right for asking to go through my phone, as I “wouldn’t have stopped without her interfering”. Which is not the case as I’ve explained in the post.
Yea, no. Break up with her like now
Run far away. Quickly. You’re barely an adult, there’s way better people to spend your time with. NTA
NTA. Time to move on buddy. You’re young and have a future to look forward to. Don’t waste your emotions and energy on unnecessary drama.
is there a solution that doesn’t involve breaking up? I genuinely believe I become a better person, or student all things considered. College has become fun and grades have starting to rise, no doubt due to her influence while we study.
Set clear boundaries and focus as much of your time as possible on your studies. At this stage, a girlfriend is a bonus (or not) depending on what you allow/don’t allow to impact you.
NTA. It sounds like she might have some insecurities. I question if she’s been cheated on in the past or if she’s “caught” you doing something before and this just added to it. I personally am not a fan of checking through a partners phone without a reason. It feels like an invasion of privacy and shows lack of trust. I would step back and evaluate where these could stem from. If nothing else I think it sounds like she’s a bit immature and maybe not ready for a real commitment relationship
You’ve been together three months and she’s already going through your phone like you’re cheating? Break up now and move on
Can you explain in more detail what exactly she has a problem with here? You flirted with someone else before you and her were a couple. She feels betrayed that… she’s not the first girl you’ve ever been interested in? That you were flirting with others after you met her but before you started dating? That you didn’t delete the evidence?
What would actually have been your winning move here? Retroactively never having had eyes for anyone else ever doesn’t count.