I used to work in the funeral industry for years but then burned out hard and finally decided to leave it. I went from a ‘dressy’ job wearing dresses, a full face of makeup and heels to a manufacturing job where jeans, messy hair and protective glasses are the norm. I love it.
Fitting into my new field has its challenges and some coworkers are interesting when they make snide comments of my husbands (perceived) salary since he’s a manufacturing engineer at another company. I also have simple, one color gel polish on my nails and wear mascara. I brush it off and don’t pay it any mind since it’s nobody’s business what kind of money he makes, but I do notice it.
It’s important to note that 99% of my other immediate coworkers are older deeply southern women. I swear I’m not stuck up and I don’t talk about money/vacations/bills at work but I’m quietly aware that we are in another tax bracket than most of my coworkers.
A coworker that I don’t super enjoy but sometimes work with had a sudden death in the family, an older sister that had cancer, and mentioned to two coworkers in a casual conversation that I was sending flowers to the visitation and celebration of life.
I worked in the industry and was always sad when decedents didn’t get flowers, especially women. I also mentioned that I was sending them from our area of the manufacturing plant, (example from area 3) since it seemed like the right thing to do when we aren’t close and I don’t know the coworker that well. They seemed bothered by it and I’m just sitting here wondering if I overstepped.
I already ordered the funerals flowers for next weekend but I’m wondering if I’m the Ahole.
I think you were well-meaning but missed the mark here. Not on sending flowers; but on talking about doing so at work.
Telling them you’re sending them “from the group” might have given the impression that you expected others to chip in. Even if you said clearly you didn’t expect that from them, it probably left them thinking you were showing off, appointing yourself a leader of the group, or both.
It was a nice gesture to send the flowers. You can’t change what’s already been done/said, but if you were in a similar situation in the future I would suggest sending them from you and not saying anything to coworkers about doing so.
Ah thank you. I was wondering if I came across that way. I can still change the message on the flower card so I’ll do that. Appreciate it!
I wouldn’t change the card, since you’ve already told everyone that’s what you are doing.
I would just explain that you had a well-intentioned thought that you went about stupidly. I should have said, “I plan to send flowers because I think they are important. Do you want to make it a group thing?“ and given everyone the choice, rather than just saying I was doing it.
yta you give special treatment to your coworker in a company where the regular action is not send flowers to the worker familys.
It’s not about the industry tbh. I’d want to send them even if I worked fast food. It’s about honoring the family and decedent. But I did grow up in a family where sending funeral flowers wasn’t an option, it was a necessity.
YTA for feeling the need to talk about it. You could have just sent them. 🙄
There’s no conflict. I think you meant well, but it’s honestly a really weird choice that would probably be off-putting to most.
NTA. Sounds like a very nice gesture.
NTA. I think this was a really nice gesture. Your coworkers may have thought you wanted them to chip in for the flowers, since you said they were from the group/area.
I did say that I wasn’t asking for donations, but it was in the later part of the conversation. I felt bad when they expressed that they couldn’t afford funeral flowers though. And then I’m here overthinking it and wondering how badly I messed up. Thanks for the input, I appreciate it.
That is never an AH move.
There’s nothing quite like sending flowers that were cut down in their prime to send to a family whos sister was cut down in the prime off her life.