Hello, I’m very new to this and I’ve never posted on Reddit before, so bear with me. I’m in a long-distance relationship with a guy, let’s call him Cove. We’ve been together for 6 years. We talk every day, have traveled together, and he has met my parents (they love him). However, he hadn’t met my extended family yet. He did meet my grandparents once when we were younger, but it was very awkward.
For some backstory, my grandma and I don’t get along. I don’t really know why. I was an awkward teen, shaved my head at 13 (which she hated), and she has always commented on my weight. The point is, she has never liked me much.
A few months ago, Cove traveled to my country to finally meet my family. We rented an Airbnb, spent time together, and bought gifts for everyone to make a good first impression. On Christmas Eve, we went to my family’s Christmas party. At first, everything was great. Cove was polite and even helped my grandma carry heavy things.
My sister also brought her boyfriend, Shiloh. They’ve been together for a year. My grandma clearly favors my sister, and Shiloh connected easily with her due to his outgoing personality. While Shiloh stayed mostly with my sister, Cove spent time helping my grandma.
After the main party, close family went inside my grandma’s house to open gifts. Cove and I bought my grandma a present. While exchanging gifts, my grandma gave Cove a gift and then gave one to Shiloh. After Shiloh gave her his gift, Cove handed her ours. She grabbed Cove’s hand and said, in English (which she rarely speaks), “Just know you aren’t going to get married,” then laughed mockingly. No one else laughed.
I was shocked. Cove smiled but was clearly hurt. I felt horrible and embarrassed for him. Shortly after, I stood up without opening my gifts and left. Cove followed later. Before we left, I heard my grandma tell Shiloh how much she liked him and that she hoped to see him next Christmas.
As we were leaving, my grandma approached Cove and said, “I was just joking. I’m like that.” I didn’t respond. Later, she called me and said I had no right to be upset and that she’s just strict.
This ruined the night for Cove and me. My sister and Shiloh both agreed it was uncalled for and apologized. We were invited to my dad’s surprise birthday party planned by my grnadmother, but Cove and I didn’t go. Instead, we stayed home and later after the party was over had dinner with my parents. Since then, my grandma and aunts have stopped talking to my mom, sister, and me.
Am I the asshole for skipping my dad’s birthday party after my grandma embarrassed my boyfriend in front of my family? And is it wrong for me to skip New Year’s too?
INFO: How did your dad feel about you missing the party?
He didn’t mind it, after the party was over i had invited him and my mom out for dinner at our favorite restaurant and I was able to spend time with him, my mom and my sister which for me is far better in every way.
I think your dad should be the decider of if YTA. It was his party you skipped. Did you tell him why you weren’t there when you dad dinner with your parents after? What was his response? Did he say you weren’t an asshole? If not, I don’t think YTA, you just didn’t want to have to deal with your grandma after she had been hurtful to you and your bf.
He didn’t mind me skipping the birthday party, I still feel guilty, though. He said that it was alright. He was actually there when my grandmother thought that it was a great moment to embarrass my Bf in front of everyone. When we went out for dinner we were able to talk and just spend time together, which I think it was better than being at the party which I didn’t attend.
If he didn’t mind, you’re Nta
NTA – you are an adult… and invitation to a party isn’t a summons
Doesn’t seem like any of this was your dad’s fault so I think YTA unless you’d got a genuine preapproval from him.
Hi, I might have missed a detail i wish to add to clear something up. My dads suprise birthday party was planned by my grandmother, it was going to be at her house. I didn’t want to attend for that very reason.
NTA. You had special time alone with your Dad. The rest of the family shouldn’t be taking sides. Personally I wouldn’t focus have shrugged off my grandmothers comments and figure she is being asinine. But not everyone can.
How were you not at your dad’s birthday but having dinner with him?
After the party was over, i invited him out, I didn’t go to the party which was planned by my grandmother. But I tried to have at least a little quality time with him later in the evening since the party was in the morning.
Going soft YTA for skipping out on your dad’s surprise birthday. Walking out on grandma’s Christmas celebration. That’s totally understandable given her insulting your boyfriend.