Alright for starters, i have thanks giving every year at my parents place.
But these past few years have been rough at their place, and relationships have been tense. I wont go too in depths here but my dad is a wealthy guy, has a good job, ect. But he is unbearable to be around, mad disrespectful to everyone in the household, and generally pretty nasty to interact with at all. Now my sister has an apartment, asks if i want to go to thanks giving at her place, though my parents are not invited. She grew up dealing with the nonsense my dad puts out (basically just verbal, emotional,financial abuse, mostly to my mom). My mom tries to excuse his actions like directly insulting my sister’s actions, asking intrusive questions.
Anyways that’s not the reason why primarily they were not invited. Around this time i always go out to get some groceries for my sister and mom to cook (I cook a few things but they’re far better than i). Though this year has been rough on me financially, but i am still pitching in and offering to get some of the bigger items on the list. My sister asked my dad if he could get thanks giving groceries but he just declined.
Now mind you, this mother fucker eats the most out of everyone, every time during thanks giving. And doesn’t even say thank you, or be appreciative. This alone was enough to have my sister just straight up block him and not invite him, my mom too because she was defending his choice to not help at all. Being the stingy dude he is, he only gave my mom 90 bucks to go out and get a whole thanks giving meal for the family. I was going to pitch in but my sister is very much against me doing so. So i decided to just have thanksgiving at her place, not pitch in at all for my parents this, even though my mom is begging me to stay over for it. I just could not stand to be around them in that situation for **another** year.
Am i wrong for this?
Op-NTA. You and your sister can enjoy a relaxed day with a tension free meal. That alone is something to be grateful for. Your Mom has chosen her path.
NTA. Your Dad is an entitled asshole, and your Mom condones his behavior. You and your sister can have Thanksgiving without your parents
INFO: So your sister asked you to Thanksgiving dinner at her house but your parents weren’t invited but she asked them for grocery money for Thanksgiving???
I read it as sister asking dad to contribute to the family meal, dad declining, and sister deciding at that point to have the meal at her house without the parents.
NTA. Have a nice meal with your sister who you actually like.
NTA. My sister has cutoff both my parents and we just do our own thing with her. It’s sadly pretty normal nowadays.
NTA. i hope you have a lovely thanksgiving with your lovely sister.
my dad isn’t quite as bad, but close, and this year he decided that everything would go bad if i bought it on saturday, so we should shop WEDNESDAY. then he decided to do cracker barrel. he has no clue since my mom died and i was ready for him FAFO lol.
anyway, i still bought pie and afternoon snacks like mom would have. the best bit is that the other two almost never ate any of that, so fuck them, i guess.
NTA. If you are living on your own and an adult (not clear in your OP), then you have the right to spend your holidays however you want. You wouldn’t be the first person to distance themselves from toxic parents (or other family members).
Skipping Thanksgiving might be a wake up call for your parents, or it might just estrange you further (or maybe both). If you depend on them financially in any way, there might be consequences.
But you are under no obligation to spend any holiday time with anyone who makes you uncomfortable.
NTA
And if your mom asks anything just say it was clear to me that dad does not enjoy us being there and we don’t wanna go to be insulted so we thought we’d go somewhere where people actually like us
NTA. Sorry mom has put up with his abusive ways all these years. As they gaze at their meal , just the two of them ? perhaps one of them will snap that his behavior toward family is wrong as it has run them off…. Then the one who figures it out can decide what if any action they will take to bring family back . I wonder if you could leave a sweet card for them to mull over …short but sweet that you’re with sis as the two of you have common feelings about Being ‘dismissed’ in his presence, explain with one sentence that you two want to enjoy laughing and joking and doing all the things together and wish he would become more of a participant than dictator, and hope mom won’t mind remaining his whipping post for verbal communication…. It’s very hard to WANT to love and admire someone who is so scared you’re going to get their treasure , they push away your warmth & good intentions. Thank them for this opportunity you and sis are sharing and remind them you’ll look forward to Christmas .
We have gotten to where we do a friendsgiving. This year, our daughter works and my husband had already made alternate plans with some friends as I can’t even think of cooking a turkey. I had back surgery 2 weeks ago.
Do what is best for YOU and YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.
NTA
Stay home or go visit friends. I have had years similar to this when I couldn’t mentally handle family. You can always stay home, make your fave meal, and relax.
Sounds like your sister has things figured out. NTA.