I 30 f moved in with my "roomate" male 31. We set up some boundaries when we first moved in as his dad, uncle and step mom would show up here drunk n keep drinking. ( well not the step mom she stays sober.)
I have anxiety, panic attacks when stressed and have a learning disability.
At around 8:40 him and I got into an argument and I went to the basement where my room is.
We have a few house rules/ boundaries
1. We tell each other when we have company coming over
2. No one past midnight
3. Not to much alcohol in the house
At 9:00 pm his dad shows up with his step mom, un announced after my roommate and I had the argument and my anxiety was up. I was upset he didnt tell me.
I left and went to get myself a coffee and came back to our house. (Renting)
He stands there and is trying to give me money and I said no thank you and went to the basement as now im worked up again after cooling off.
He came down to apologize as I did snap a bit at him and his family. He apologized for not telling me and for trying to push the gift from his parents on me while he knew he should have waited. I went up and apologize to his family and thanked them for the gift.
At 12 pm I messaged him to send them home.
He agreed.
1 pm I asked again
Then I started to spam him begging him to make them leave as I need sleep, I can’t sleep when people are over and I have already had 1 anxiety attack because of people showing up un announced.
He read the messages and ignored them
I kept messaging him begging, pleading, and then full out flipping ( around 2:30) as I was literally going into another anxiety attack. ( he knows all about them)
His parents finally leave 10 minutes to 3am.
He comes down and sees im crying while rocking my nody to try to calm myself down from a panic attack or anxiety attack, while im texting one of my neat friends.
He asked why im crying, I can tell he has been drinking, I snap and told him how he broke the boundaries/ house rules. That i begged him to make them leave.
He argued that they are family, I said we agreed family is in those rules.
He got upset and told me to "stop faking panic attacks" and something else I don’t remember.
I let him cool off and went to try to talk to him. He does not see anything wrong.
When I was in the middle of the panic attack I texted begging him to make them leave over 150 times, and telling him I can’t do this anymore and that I want to move out and a few other things.
He now saying I can get what I want and move out. I have the wifi and electricity under my name. I told him im not moving out and my stuff will be finished moved into the basement tomorrow when my girls show up. ( there is a bathroom in the basement as well)
He is upset and does not want to talk to me know he says i get what I want.
I told him what I want is for the boundaries to he upheld by BOTH parties like we agreed upon.
He said no you’re just crazy and want control now get out of my face.
He is now laying upstairs on my couch, while he watches TV drunk.
I told him his parents are no longer welcomed here
There will be no Christmas gathering
And that my friends will be here tomorrow.
He thinks I fake my anxiety, depression and panic attacks.
He wants me to respect his boundaries but won’t respect mine.
So AITA?
INFO: Why are you putting “roommate” in quotes? Do you two both rent from a landlord or does someone own the place?
This sounds like a pretty extreme reaction to a single incident. You texted him 150 times because his family was over late? He was being rude but if you’re having a rolling panic attack over this, it sounds like that’s a bigger issue than annoying company.
You cannot ban his parents unilaterally. You both live there and are both allowed to have guests. It’s valid to be annoyed that he had guests over super late but it’s not even clear if they were loud or disruptive or if you were just panicked because you knew they were there.
He told you that it’s fine if you move out, which sounds like the best scenario for both of you.
YTA I’m afraid, and the way you dealt with something that isn’t what you want is far too extreme. To hide away while spamming someone is not acceptable. It is best for you to move out as this is only going to get worse however it might also be good for you to look at some therapy to help you understand why you felt this so deeply and how you can communicate in a positive way. Remember, life is give and take and the world won’t change because you have feelings on it, you have to learn to swim the right way sometimes, and find people who align with your beliefs and wants.
If your roommate having people over sends you into this much of a state you should live alone. And get help.